tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14898939548017247612024-03-04T21:51:12.585-08:00Sami's BlogThis blog is in dedication to my daughter Lauren Samantha (Sami) who was with us for a short time here on earth. Her strength to live even though she faced many challenges has changed who I am forever. This is my journey on dealing with the loss of my sweet baby girl.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.comBlogger171125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-25658672039091026752015-02-11T12:46:00.001-08:002015-02-11T12:46:07.453-08:00Life todayLife today is great, we have a new addition to our family. Christian Joseph was born in May 2014. I cannot believe that I have allowed once again for so much time to pass without writing in this blog but I have had my hands full.<br />
Julian is currently playing baseball and kicking butt in school. Emma is not in school yet will be soon. Chrisian started to crawl so I am constantly chasing after him and I love it. He has brought us so much joy that I feel like my heart is going to burst at any point.<br />
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Julian and Emma feel the same way as they always tell him how much they love him. Julian of course always reminds that he is heaven sent because that is what Sami wanted. He made a wish for a baby brother and she made it happen. That boy still is still sweet and sensitive. Emma is a little fire cracker and makes me laugh daily.<br />
Life is busy that is for sure but life is GREAT!Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-21459224672493324422014-04-23T21:13:00.002-07:002014-04-23T21:13:54.662-07:00Feeling guilty about not postingHow did I let this happen again? I said I was not going to go so long without writing but well it is obvious that did not happen. I have gone so long and so much has happened. <br />
First I want to start off by saying that although I do not need this blog as much as I did before does not mean that I no longer needed it completely. Now that I am a stay home mom I really just do not have the time like I did before. From sun up until sundown I am just constantly on the go and when I finally do have a chance to rest I am exhausted. I feel guilty because I should make more of an effort. Not a single moment has passed that I do not think of the reason behind this blog and that of course is my precious Sami. <br />
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I am happy to announce another rainbow baby is going to join our family soon. I am expecting another son on May 28th. This pregnancy has been really enjoyable. I have allowed myself the chance to really enjoy it unlike Emma's. I was so terrified with her pregnancy and I feel like I missed out on so much. This time around it is different, perhaps because I know this is my last time being pregnant ever. We have decided this is it, our family is complete. We are happy and content with our decision. <br />
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Sami is already four and half and I am starting to think of ways to celebrate her fifth birthday. It is a big milestone so I feel like I really need to do something big. I have a few things in mind but nothing for sure. For her last birthday we kept it low key and sent her some balloons. It is still weird that we have to celebrate her birthday that way but it is was it is and I accept and make the best of it. It is not easy by any means but I can handle it so much better. Those raw emotions are not so intense anymore although I still have my moments where something triggers me and it will knock me on my butt in second. Moments like the other day when Emma was acting out scenes from the movie Frozen and she asked me where her sister Sami was. That stung like crazy but all I can do is try my best to explain this to her and make her understand our situation is unique. Julian still talks about her so freely and so openly that I pray it never changes. For school recently her took her Molly bear to share with his class. I love that about him so much and it makes me so proud of him. He is never worried about strange looks or comments from anyone. I admire him so much for that and he continues to teach me new things everyday. I still feel weird when people ask me the dreaded question "how many kids do you have?" I always have to answer honestly especially when I am around Julian because he will correct me in a second. <br />
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Before I go for now here is a little update on our family.<br />
Julian is already six and almost done with kindergarten. He is excelling in school especially in reading. There is nothing that kid cannot read, it's amazing. He is also doing so well in baseball, he LOVES it. <br />
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Emma is almost three and is finally fully potty trained. She is always singing and dancing around. She talks all day long and is my little sidekick. She is funny, feisty and so loveable. Her hugs and kisses just melt my heart and everyone around her. Julian loves her and protects her like crazy I pray she will be the same way with her new baby brother.</div>
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My husband is still my knight and shinning armor, each day he does something to just make me feel so loved and I can't ask for more. He is such a hard worker and takes such good care of us even when we get on each other's nerves. </div>
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Easter 2014</div>
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Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-65032172440467436312013-07-18T08:21:00.001-07:002013-07-18T08:21:36.109-07:00Where has the time gone?I can't believe it has been nearly a year since my last post. I feel guilty about that but I think I really needed the break. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of Sami but I think my thoughts were just too personal to share. <br />
I am struggling with her up coming birthday, 4 years!!!! Lately anything can make me cry, seeing little kids her age give me anxiety. I can't explain it, I guess it's just part of me grieving and I am trying to understand it. Julian has been talking about her birthday for weeks now and I think it's cute but at the same time it crushes me because I feel like he has been cheated by our reality. Isn't he just way to young to understand death? This kid just amazes me, it started maybe about five weeks ago or so. We were having breakfast and he said so serious "mom, we need to start planning Sami's birthday already" I was taken back a little because we had not talked about this. Then he goes on about it being her 4th birthday which really shocked me because again we never talk about her age, I mean do but not with my five year old. So I asked him what he had in mind and he said lots and lots of balloons and cake he said everything pink of course. I love our Sami conversations because he is just so open about it. He asked me how I think she celebrates in heaven and if she knows he can read now. He always tells me he loves and misses her. Emma walked in the kitchen in mid conversation and he tells her in a sweet little voice about her big sister so then she is walking around saying "Tami" because that's just how she says it. I tried so hard not to break down and cry because I don't ever want him to feel like he can't talk to me about her without making me cry. <br />
I just miss her so darn much and wondering how my life would be like with her sometimes just knocks me on my butt. I look at Emma and I can't help but wonder those things. It wasn't like that before but I think because she is getting older and getting her own little personality (feisty one at that) that these thoughts just start. <br />
Through the years I have learned that time doesn't heal all wounds like most people think. I will always have an open wound in my heart and sometimes I guess it stings a little more. I have not decided how or what we will this year for Sami but what ever we do decide Julian will have the final say. I know it will be special to us no matter how we plan it. <br />
I was planning on writing more but Emma is behind me making water puddles on the floor so I have to go. It feels good writing I must admit, it's been way too long. <br />
Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-9392142920895339482012-10-26T09:34:00.002-07:002012-10-26T09:34:21.285-07:00Happy 3rd birthday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY SAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div>
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How quickly these three years have passed yet it seems like just yesterday I held her in my arms. Today has brought many tears and so many smiles because of how many people have reached out to us in rememberence of Sami. So many wonderful people that I have crossed paths with because of my little beauty. Three years ago I was angry, sad and lost. I couldn't see past a few hours let alone see myself three years later. How much life has changed more than anything how much I have changed. I have grown in so many ways and I have her to thank. Life is not always fair and that ok, life is not always wonderful and that is ok to because without those moments who would not be able to appreciate the little things. I am not always little miss sunshine here but I am able to take a moment during the difficult times and say to myself this shall pass. </div>
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Today we have a busy day planned, we are going to the cemetary and putting flowers at the babyland for her little friends then having yummy cupcakes oh we can't forget the balloons despite the crazy Santa Ana winds. My husband decided we should get away this weekend so we are going to do just that. October 26th is a day of celebration and that is just what we are going to do. </div>
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Sami, mommy loves and misses you. I am certain you are able to see and see my love. </div>
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Your alive in my heart.</div>
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Big brother hugs for you</div>
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Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-92120174882700166422012-10-15T10:21:00.001-07:002012-10-15T10:21:46.037-07:00Remembering Today I remember my precious daughter and all babies gone too soon.<br />
It makes me sad that so many people have suffered the loss of a child but it makes me smile today knowing that someone out there is remembering them. Please do not be afraid to speak of this, I promise you it is not something that is not contagious.<br />
Infant loss happened to me, never in a million years did I think of this but you know what I am stronger because of this loss. Because of my daughter I feel like I can conquer anything, I have already went through the hardest thing possible so now anything that comes my way I know I can over come it. <br />
Thank you Sami for giving me the strength to continue on, I hope I am making you proud. I love you so much baby girl.<br />
I leave you pictures from our Walk to Remember.<br />
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<br />Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-76893427381317568702012-09-09T14:11:00.002-07:002012-09-09T14:11:36.007-07:00I am sorryI am sorry I have neglected your blog Sami. I feel horrible about it. In my head I have written post after post but I obviously do nothing, well I can't say that. I start a post but never publish it for some reason or another. So much time has passed and your birthday is just around the corner. It is hard to believe three years have almost passed.<br />
I have to say I am in a better place now but the pain of you missing is always there. I guess you can say I have just learned to cope without you. I am sure you know that baby girl not a single day goes by that I don't think of you. Have you noticed Emma kissing your pictures? Julian still says good night to you and talks about you everyday. I love how you visit him often.<br />
The memorial walk in next month and I am looking forward to it. I love hearing your name out loud so the world can here it. Of course balloons will be sent up for you. I hope you can see it and feel our love.<br />
This post is short but I PROMISE I won't neglect this blog anymore. I need it more than ever as your birthday approaches. I love you so much my love.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-3732810014051379522012-02-13T18:25:00.000-08:002012-02-13T18:25:16.841-08:00Valentine's Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>We love and miss you so much my love. This morning your brother woke me up and said we had to go buy you flowers and balloons because it was Balentine's day. He said it means love, thanks to the Sprout channel. He is a day early but who cares, he thinks of you just like I do... ALL THE TIME. I miss you more than words can say. On this day and everyday we love you and send you millions of kisses to heaven.<br />
I decided to take a picture of you three and wouldn't you know it, Julian leans over to kiss Emma and I got a perfect shot.<br />
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How I wish we could all be together now....<span id="goog_1043542850"></span><span id="goog_1043542851"></span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT MY 3 LOVES!</div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-6463719819507224982012-01-12T17:48:00.000-08:002012-01-12T17:48:16.568-08:00Your a lucky girl SamiSami, you are one lucky girl to have Julian as your big brother. Not one day goes by that he doesn't think of you and mention your name. He loves you and I know he misses you. I love to hear him tell Emma that she has another sister but she lives with Papa Jesus. He isn't afraid to mention your name to anyone and I love that. He makes me so so proud of him. I would fear that he was to young you remember you but I was wrong, so wrong. Last week I was about to begin cleaning up Emma's room but she just looked so cute and I had to take a picture of her. While I was doing that Julian was next me making music (more like banging Emma's blocks) when I heard him sing a song to you. I wish I would have thought of switching my camera to movie mode earlier to catch him when he started but I was so taken back that I just sat there and enjoyed his song to you. I did get to record it but it's hard to hear him clearly. His lyrics went something like, "Sami is a baby, Sami is a baby, she lives in my heart, she lives in my heart" what a beautiful song huh? Did you hear it in heaven my love? I sure hope you did. Here is what I was able to get, listen carefully at the very beginning, before "twinkle twinkle little star"<br />
Do you come into his dreams? Is that how he knows you so well? I love that he loves you so much. I love you too little one.<br />
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BEFORE WATCHING BE SURE TO TURN OFF MY MUSIC PLAYER AT THE BOTTOM.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxjwpxO3m4iu992The_PhJbFNV1qsCZH3mZsxCoUGNRluFpyzAlNATWh2uG9MDhBxf8jqstAy21gcVL8Q6grg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-27650176650683956202012-01-03T18:23:00.000-08:002012-01-03T18:23:15.434-08:00MarieYesterday I had my brother and his family over, I love that they all visit me now that I am closer. Anyhow the day was peaceful as can be but I went to bed thinking about Marie. Well she came to me in my dream. I woke up this morning so excited because it has been a while since I had a dream of her. Well in this dream it was yesterday all over again even to the clothes everyone was wearing but Marie was there. It was a like a movie because only I could see her and talk to her yet no one was able to notice me. She walked into the kitchen and I almost knocked her down because I ran to hug her, that hug felt so darn real that I can still feel that now. I was telling her how much I missed her and she she said she missed me too. I asked for Sami and all she said was that she was nearby. I wish I could have seen her (sigh). Anyhow, I asked her if she had seen Emma and she said of course she has and she couldn't believe how fast she was growing. She said she loved the new house and knew how happy I was to be here. The entire time we were having this conversation was she standing next to my brother and she said she missed everyone very much but she is always near them never far behind. I remember feeling sad that they weren't able to feel her but she kept reassuring me that she is always with them and that hopefully they feel her from time to time. I didn't want the time to end but the next thing I knew she was gone and our conversations continued like nothing. She looked beautiful and radiant like always and this time she was wearing white not pink like she usually does. Marie was a beautiful woman but wow heaven has made her look even better. That one in a million smile is brighter, her laughter is bigger and she literally glows now. It brings me such peace when I have dreams of her, I can't wait to see her again.<br />
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Now that I am on this subject, on Saturday we went to celebrate my friend's daughter one year in heaven. Not sure if you guys remember but last year she left too soon because of cancer. Anyhow, the balloon release was held at her graveside and it was perfect. The weather was nice and most of all my friend was surrounded by many many people.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An S for Samantha Jordan!!!<br />
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</tbody></table>Well you know how I mention from time to time that Julian is special? Well as we were getting Emma in her car seat my husband I heard him talking (he was in front next to us) and he said "stop talking to me little angel's" we were like what? So we stopped our conversation so we could him better and again he said "stop talking to me little angel's you are scaring me" then he got in the truck like nothing. We didn't want to mention it to him but he said he seen papa Jesus there so we asked him who he was talking to but he couldn't really explain to us why. Again, my son is SPECIAL!!!!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-75667139509394272802012-01-03T17:37:00.000-08:002012-01-03T17:37:59.289-08:00MIA<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>That has been me lately, missing in action! I seriously cannot believe I have not posted anything in two months, yes that is right two months. So much has been going on and I just haven't had time or Internet.<br />
We sold our house right before the holiday's so I have been packing, moving and unpacking all before Christmas while my husband was out of town for work. Things were hectic and I think they are finally starting to settle down. Great way to start 2012, happy new year's to everyone.<br />
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Recap.... Thanksgiving, it was nice, we shared it with my family. Emma and Julian seemed to like it so that made me feel better. Holiday's are always hard because I know someone is missing but thankfully this Thanksgiving wasn't as hard as last year. We went camping that weekend so it helped me stay busy.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julian had a black eye from the weekend before : (<br />
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I love these two little one's they keep me grounded that is for sure.<br />
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Emma is a little character and knows how to get what she wants. She will reach high and low until she gets her target and if she doesn't get it you will hear her from a mile away, lol.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emma and her crazy camping hair!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Add caption</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All better after a bath</td></tr>
</tbody></table> The move to a new city closer to my family is something I have been wanting for years and I couldn't be happier. I am sad we left our old house because we had so many memories there but those memories will always be in my heart and new memories are to be made at our new place so I try not to dwell to much on the change. The house is bigger and my husband will be able to keep his horse in the backyard so I cannot complain. Someone upstairs was looking out for us!!!! Moving right before the holiday's was challenging but we did it and still managed to put up a Christmas tree for the kids. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRhJ9AfdCZG7PALKIWbIVLqqcRw3Lfx-qE-ZNY-ysJZxSorn8LT1oL8k890uaOXD23EL4lxhBFED23jJvk_qQ6BGpefeYQDkk-B5HpiFwjd-qZlIJzV3f3ZeqQAPS8n-mHheJUbibTQB8/s1600/DSC09356.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRhJ9AfdCZG7PALKIWbIVLqqcRw3Lfx-qE-ZNY-ysJZxSorn8LT1oL8k890uaOXD23EL4lxhBFED23jJvk_qQ6BGpefeYQDkk-B5HpiFwjd-qZlIJzV3f3ZeqQAPS8n-mHheJUbibTQB8/s320/DSC09356.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I LOVE MY KITCHEN!!!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The new Delgado residence</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPYgGSV7SiFXBqc69fTZ_gv7_GY4DOIWoivvV20xklcMv57TlVL8uymUT0EUJiw-J5lEoU3jf0zLGKPSMw2qWVKDTvnL6GSa3MNAFR7Bp2G-zNP_pPXdLkpwKlDUIpCVc_dEZBzuW13U8/s1600/DSC09956%25281%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="327" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPYgGSV7SiFXBqc69fTZ_gv7_GY4DOIWoivvV20xklcMv57TlVL8uymUT0EUJiw-J5lEoU3jf0zLGKPSMw2qWVKDTvnL6GSa3MNAFR7Bp2G-zNP_pPXdLkpwKlDUIpCVc_dEZBzuW13U8/s400/DSC09956%25281%2529.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas Eve</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cdFO-4pJ02Q/Tvv2zg1aVDI/AAAAAAAAm9g/ARjpfoFwymI/s1600/DSC09951.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cdFO-4pJ02Q/Tvv2zg1aVDI/AAAAAAAAm9g/ARjpfoFwymI/s320/DSC09951.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My 3 loves</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Always in my heart</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My new Sami ornament </td></tr>
</tbody></table>Can't forget the picture with Santa, I still have to scan the one with her smiling but this will do for now...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C3FCaDXrsX8/Tvv7ryU4hwI/AAAAAAAAnF8/eqWqIwSnErs/s1600/DSC09900.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-C3FCaDXrsX8/Tvv7ryU4hwI/AAAAAAAAnF8/eqWqIwSnErs/s320/DSC09900.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy New Year's to you all<br />
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</tbody></table>As you can see my days have been filled with lots of love and smiles, I am one blessed girl and I thank God everyday for it.<br />
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</div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-38485885855961242072011-11-02T23:45:00.000-07:002011-11-02T23:45:13.065-07:00Recap of Sami's birthdayI have been HORRIBLE at posting, I just can't find the time these days and that is because I am home! When I finally get a chance I am just so ready for bed.<br />
Sami's day went great, we delivered our care packages, went to Disneyland (Emma's first time there) and then we did our sky lantern release. It was busy, emotional and beautiful. By the end of the night I was drained and I don't think I have fully recovered. I mean it was like all of a sudden my body shut down because now I feel a pretty bad cold coming on (great).<br />
When we finally came home and sang happy birthday to her Julian just made me really fall apart. He in his little voice said "I miss Sami" it through me off because he has never said something like and then he went on saying "remenber (that is how he pronounces it) me gave her cheerios?" My goodness my boy was just a few weeks shy of being two, how could he remember? I lost it, completely lost it at that point thinking about that makes me want to cry again. I hope Emma knows her sister in a special way like Julian. He understanding of her life is so beautiful. I tell my husband that I hope Julian and Emma know the meaning and significance of October 26 to our family. I am sad that MANY people (family) didn't bother to call us or text us on her day but I am trying not to dwell on that, it is what it is. For everyone who did remember THANK YOU a million times because that is what really helped me get through that day.<br />
November is another difficult day for me because that was the day of her actual service and the last time I physically held her last. So hard to get back on track. I know November is a month to be thankful and I am really trying to focus on that but right now my heart is still a little sore I will join that movement in a few days.<br />
I will leave you with a few pictures of her special day, I wish I would have gotten better pictures of the sky lantern release but I was trying to record video, take pictures and taking it all in.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We stopped her brick</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Emma amazed by Minnie Mouse</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We bought our little angel her Minnie ears and below it was her name, it was meant to be.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-umJhVehEl90/TqmjNW78tKI/AAAAAAAAj84/Sim62_jLAw8/s1600/DSC08199.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-umJhVehEl90/TqmjNW78tKI/AAAAAAAAj84/Sim62_jLAw8/s320/DSC08199.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Right before we did a balloon release at the castle</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcOITXI6-G-CFERqig2Hk1UsZNDogMZNN3tUfth0VF71Hi_jj_sY14Wtav9vNNcI48bqZIgqxQ8gfU3wp_8FPyF0-4zSnhjyJCFl7j2TY1F_doUJY-jsvYXkd1MgBncArpqsuCGmjUCoA/s1600/DSC08203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcOITXI6-G-CFERqig2Hk1UsZNDogMZNN3tUfth0VF71Hi_jj_sY14Wtav9vNNcI48bqZIgqxQ8gfU3wp_8FPyF0-4zSnhjyJCFl7j2TY1F_doUJY-jsvYXkd1MgBncArpqsuCGmjUCoA/s320/DSC08203.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Off they went to her</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6bJwQ8mP4Svr3FdUSoxJB5sG8dmcLnnU2cfpnBlfmhlxuzUPDwVvwRyMNO0VA-CJn594cz270e6NGAeJ8rrTBZx0IezYyofgBINkzm7oQv_HYYv4saX7ggullaL4CmTG7cOYBKEpSsYE/s1600/DSC08210.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6bJwQ8mP4Svr3FdUSoxJB5sG8dmcLnnU2cfpnBlfmhlxuzUPDwVvwRyMNO0VA-CJn594cz270e6NGAeJ8rrTBZx0IezYyofgBINkzm7oQv_HYYv4saX7ggullaL4CmTG7cOYBKEpSsYE/s320/DSC08210.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sami's Minnie ears</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--bLG8bROT44/TqmjpIolvTI/AAAAAAAAkAg/6HLobbElALs/s1600/DSC08260.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--bLG8bROT44/TqmjpIolvTI/AAAAAAAAkAg/6HLobbElALs/s320/DSC08260.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sky lanterns</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjfjOOb_Dnhe5rjhzlxdcZwIXPgaGPMH_v8xmrg_bh3rGapAtxh5p4588tbLOFV7K8oRun52Ys8X9p4dzuxKj5ZoiLIB06OVE16FZi_0phzIsyiwGs0sSjmW1-GWDBMhsdaAQGxPnpqNg/s1600/DSC08262.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjfjOOb_Dnhe5rjhzlxdcZwIXPgaGPMH_v8xmrg_bh3rGapAtxh5p4588tbLOFV7K8oRun52Ys8X9p4dzuxKj5ZoiLIB06OVE16FZi_0phzIsyiwGs0sSjmW1-GWDBMhsdaAQGxPnpqNg/s320/DSC08262.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ctokzz0cVhQ/TqmjqdQu0XI/AAAAAAAAkAs/GtNkCgcEDV4/s1600/DSC08263.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ctokzz0cVhQ/TqmjqdQu0XI/AAAAAAAAkAs/GtNkCgcEDV4/s320/DSC08263.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Couldn't capture the beauty of them : (</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kMMS_Z4r7kQ/Tqmjt2SK_mI/AAAAAAAAkBU/S9QcRR4qTYo/s1600/DSC08276.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kMMS_Z4r7kQ/Tqmjt2SK_mI/AAAAAAAAkBU/S9QcRR4qTYo/s320/DSC08276.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrtADnNcEEBtJNKaT-dHEwqr_YnStm45NDONS_0XwY2nyf5srTAgrkM8IwM95ssuQwGYdJ4rdErDj6tvtBIpBgzNOMOfuAY_xHe_oboHY1-E4dqWxO_RqPUee26ueGk4izZqz6qwfXOjo/s1600/DSC08279.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrtADnNcEEBtJNKaT-dHEwqr_YnStm45NDONS_0XwY2nyf5srTAgrkM8IwM95ssuQwGYdJ4rdErDj6tvtBIpBgzNOMOfuAY_xHe_oboHY1-E4dqWxO_RqPUee26ueGk4izZqz6qwfXOjo/s320/DSC08279.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9JfIiUpIgU4/TqmjvBHA3KI/AAAAAAAAkBo/h8JDcw69oNY/s1600/DSC08281.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9JfIiUpIgU4/TqmjvBHA3KI/AAAAAAAAkBo/h8JDcw69oNY/s320/DSC08281.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhAWsftSLIt4wxJq-thCwn9bvyviNjf5zxnqF_1BOuMnZE4Zmn9d7alEOFILnYzyo4katWhhJ5hiPoyjUAH5KV4h5K_pEkp49CTfSY1XqE-tJTmjTtg6aaxrSmuHN3tnS4yeRC8BUByKM/s1600/DSC08282.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhAWsftSLIt4wxJq-thCwn9bvyviNjf5zxnqF_1BOuMnZE4Zmn9d7alEOFILnYzyo4katWhhJ5hiPoyjUAH5KV4h5K_pEkp49CTfSY1XqE-tJTmjTtg6aaxrSmuHN3tnS4yeRC8BUByKM/s320/DSC08282.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8klQGZ_M35s/Tqmj1BqkYnI/AAAAAAAAkCY/4e1zsolYlWI/s1600/DSC08295.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8klQGZ_M35s/Tqmj1BqkYnI/AAAAAAAAkCY/4e1zsolYlWI/s320/DSC08295.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These didn't fly as easy as I hoped for</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-upk7QSEdnLc/Tqmj21iMlEI/AAAAAAAAkCw/vv84R76H75I/s1600/DSC08301.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-upk7QSEdnLc/Tqmj21iMlEI/AAAAAAAAkCw/vv84R76H75I/s320/DSC08301.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A gift to her from another angel mom</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jtGopsfCqIE/Tqmj-sqiWOI/AAAAAAAAkD0/dAKr4hVrzXo/s1600/DSC08321.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jtGopsfCqIE/Tqmj-sqiWOI/AAAAAAAAkD0/dAKr4hVrzXo/s320/DSC08321.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wearing her ears</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rzXZpUpzRMU/TqmkACa52vI/AAAAAAAAkEA/F3dRswVKm0c/s1600/DSC08326.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rzXZpUpzRMU/TqmkACa52vI/AAAAAAAAkEA/F3dRswVKm0c/s320/DSC08326.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julian holding her after we sang to her</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-15763927760131804342011-10-25T23:17:00.000-07:002011-10-25T23:17:55.250-07:00Happy Birthday my love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E8FB88fLync/THfu6xqwMLI/AAAAAAAAS-E/pRBarvTSYkw/s1600/IMG_2369.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-E8FB88fLync/THfu6xqwMLI/AAAAAAAAS-E/pRBarvTSYkw/s400/IMG_2369.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!</td></tr>
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Has it really been 2 years since I kissed that precious face? It seems like it was just yesterday because I remember every detail like it just happened. On October 26, 2009 at 5:04AM, my world was blessed by a precious 4 pound little angel. On that day I became a very special type of mom, a mom who cherishes each day and doesn't take one for granted. A mom who loves like crazy and a mom who can say she held her very own angel. That to me makes a special person and that goes for every mom out there who has lost a precious child.<br />
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It has been so long since I last wrote, October is not easy for me but I kept busy. I am happy to say I achieved my goal for Sami's birthday. I have finished 10 care packages that I am going to deliver on her special day. I do not want my packages given away because that means that there is another special mom out there but if and when it happens I want them to know that they are not alone. I remember feeling so lost when I left the hospital and that was because I had time to prepare so I can't imagine someone who goes in expecting a happy outcome but doesn't. Sami I hope you are proud of your mommy because you keep giving me strength to carry on. Everything I do is in your honor baby girl.<br />
This past Sunday we had a birthday celebration for her and were going to release some sky lanterns but the wind had other plans. I hope that tomorrow night we will be able to light the sky so she can see that she is never forgotten along with many of her angel friends.<br />
<br />
SAMI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MY HEART ACHES EVERY MOMENT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE BUT I KNOW ONE DAY I WILL HOLD YOU AGAIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME SUCH A SPECIAL MOM...<br />
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Here are some pictures of my care packages (THANK YOU to everyone who helped me)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IHpir-cJBys/Tqef8VLMRBI/AAAAAAAAj4M/kpmt32g1Iw0/s1600/DSC08120.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IHpir-cJBys/Tqef8VLMRBI/AAAAAAAAj4M/kpmt32g1Iw0/s320/DSC08120.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thank you Franchesca Cox for creating these beautiful cards</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDN9QIjnnAeRe9hTZC473PW4VlnU6sx2moZsujUhTd-jlWlOJPDHvkB6d9xKXkhQbD8Xu63S6kbQ6XnkY1vDyiaAupdUIu6PBlOWm9o0oy7VembVeY8fDmxjcSbPNDhsbNbUF8euQmIzA/s1600/DSC08111.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDN9QIjnnAeRe9hTZC473PW4VlnU6sx2moZsujUhTd-jlWlOJPDHvkB6d9xKXkhQbD8Xu63S6kbQ6XnkY1vDyiaAupdUIu6PBlOWm9o0oy7VembVeY8fDmxjcSbPNDhsbNbUF8euQmIzA/s320/DSC08111.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IqU4KrfoLr0/Tqef46Mm0RI/AAAAAAAAj3s/fnqIhEW8DWw/s1600/DSC08112.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IqU4KrfoLr0/Tqef46Mm0RI/AAAAAAAAj3s/fnqIhEW8DWw/s320/DSC08112.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MQpakg9_q2o/Tqef5eYBe3I/AAAAAAAAj3w/FP6nzKuvMuc/s1600/DSC08113.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MQpakg9_q2o/Tqef5eYBe3I/AAAAAAAAj3w/FP6nzKuvMuc/s320/DSC08113.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WvxvIwgiWUk/Tqef6XdjuII/AAAAAAAAj38/UTNDRdeTSts/s1600/DSC08116.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WvxvIwgiWUk/Tqef6XdjuII/AAAAAAAAj38/UTNDRdeTSts/s320/DSC08116.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eFlidIj1ILc/Tqef8stuaCI/AAAAAAAAj4Q/QT3oLF3dvm0/s1600/DSC08121.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eFlidIj1ILc/Tqef8stuaCI/AAAAAAAAj4Q/QT3oLF3dvm0/s320/DSC08121.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCIl1XG3Is72P57hs92supKyKCeZkEqjepEjBA2pPqRdapQWsZnW2URvyjU2JP13prdptPIFPP8J242WDaVrdUkyMyX94fJKP1eduS9v4Dpq4ZP7a0EFU1ok1eshs5JsHnlvg6TcHnzAE/s1600/DSC08132.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCIl1XG3Is72P57hs92supKyKCeZkEqjepEjBA2pPqRdapQWsZnW2URvyjU2JP13prdptPIFPP8J242WDaVrdUkyMyX94fJKP1eduS9v4Dpq4ZP7a0EFU1ok1eshs5JsHnlvg6TcHnzAE/s320/DSC08132.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_uJ8ForwdM8/Tqef_mnsw7I/AAAAAAAAj4s/jXmV6PYCCnU/s1600/DSC08128.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_uJ8ForwdM8/Tqef_mnsw7I/AAAAAAAAj4s/jXmV6PYCCnU/s320/DSC08128.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PALa4XCr97I/TqegDtUGS6I/AAAAAAAAj5Y/VwDGG4L8PkI/s1600/DSC08139.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PALa4XCr97I/TqegDtUGS6I/AAAAAAAAj5Y/VwDGG4L8PkI/s320/DSC08139.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2ImnqmAJYL0/TqegCRAXJsI/AAAAAAAAj5M/bUoWxDBJnVg/s1600/DSC08136.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2ImnqmAJYL0/TqegCRAXJsI/AAAAAAAAj5M/bUoWxDBJnVg/s320/DSC08136.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-42592845985605460872011-09-29T00:25:00.000-07:002011-09-29T00:25:17.541-07:00It's soon approachingHer day is soon approaching and the thought of it is weighing on me. I know her birthday is a day of celebration but it is also such a difficult day for me. I had been fine but as I look at the calender and see October just a few days away I am filled with such sad emotions. Two years have fast approached and I have many things to be grateful for but still this void never seems to ease up. I am sure from the outside I look fine, I laugh, I smile but I am still broken. I will be forever, I except that now but it still isn't easy. I had a whole year to prepare you would think it would be easier for me. Perhaps having Emma here with me makes it a little harder because I have realized how much I missed out on Sami. <br />
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I feel really bad that I neglected this blog lately because I really need it and I miss following up with everyone but I just have had no time. I am officially a stay home mommy and I am yet to find a routine. I have realized going to work is sometimes a little easier. I am not complaining because I LOVE my new job I just need to learn to manage my time better and allow a little bit of me time here and there. This space is comforting to me, I still need it. Like I said time has passed but that doesn't mean that I still don't feel lost from time to time.<br />
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Right now the kids are sleeping as I should be but I just want to take in the quietness. My husband is out of town again this week and it always seems to be like my real emotional moments are when he isn't here. I just need to let out a good cry and prepare myself for October. What is that saying "take the bull by the horns" that will be me for the most part of October but I know I will fall flat on my face with grief and emotion at some point. I feel like someone needs to take the lead and I will just follow. Last year I was so consumed with her birthday memorial party and being newly pregnant with Emma that I guess I was just not allowing myself to deal it emotionally. This year my plans were to have the care packages dropped off at the hospital on her day but I am a little behind and I also want to do something special celebrate her with my close family and friends. I just feel stuck, I need a little push to get out this little pitty party that I am having right now. I need Sami to send me her love and strength, I need it more than ever right now.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-71701345656888821612011-08-26T10:58:00.000-07:002011-08-26T10:58:46.669-07:00Hello blog worldIs August almost over? Hard to believe how fast time passes. Having to care for two little one's I suppose will help speed up time.<br />
Julian is funny as ever and so sweet and well Emma is a little chunker full of toothless smiles. Being at home with them this whole time has been a real blessing. I am sad I missed so much with Julian but he was always in good hands.<br />
Sami's birthday is almost here and I finally got the OK from the hospital to drop of care packages for other loss mom's. I am really excited about this and now trying to figure out a budget and how I am going to get this really going because I don't want it to be just be once a year thing but one step at a time. I am also trying to figure out how and what other celebration I am going to do for her. For sure a remembrance mass so I can share with family and friend's but not sure what else. I love celebrating birthday's and just because she isn't here doesn't mean I can't celebrate right? People might see it as weird but I really don't care what they think. I can't believe two years are approaching and I am still living. I was talking my hubs a few nights back and we both agree that the first few months felt like there was no way out. Now we still hurt but we handle it differently. Emma for sure has helped us grow, again I will emphasize that she is in no way a replacement but my heart once again has joy in it. I am sure many of you loss mom's can relate to those early days where it felt like there was no sun in sight and as time passes and rainbow's born you find yourself alive again. It is a great feeling!!!<br />
I love being comfortable in saying I have 3 kids when people ask. I don't feel weird saying one is in heaven because it is not weird, it is my new life. I don't even give them a chance to give me that pitty look because I am not saying it for sympathy. So be careful when you ask a parent how many kids they have because you never know who you are asking. There are days of course that are still difficult to cope with you of course but I know that will be for the rest of my life. I will wipe the tears as I have done all these months and keep moving forward. I want to make Sami proud that her mama is a survivor and she keeps going.<br />
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I have not had a chance to really follow everyone's blogs but that doesn't mean that I don't pray for you guys and wish all the best. Thank goodness for facebook because I keep up there as best as I can. So from now until October I will be busy with making care packages and figuring out a way to remember Sami on her birthday. ((HUGS)) to everyone.<br />
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Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-80472639953778507602011-08-01T18:18:00.000-07:002011-08-01T18:18:44.248-07:00Do you see her?On Friday I was excited because Emma was getting her first shower so I had to snap a picture. Once I looked at it I was so shocked to see a profile on the wall behind Emma... Lets see if you are able to see it too....<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdsw8vcI_KDitgCyCHJ8As1jyz6Z_elz9b0ImesuedxGBfGLl2umdA4-83R9lbtNMZ-03lIEZibzW5kTkPdIHgQXO2JxB8s_yKFXDd5BEce04ktI_LudMw_so5ciJnoE-HgeqxbrIIHKE/s1600/July%252525202011%25252520004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdsw8vcI_KDitgCyCHJ8As1jyz6Z_elz9b0ImesuedxGBfGLl2umdA4-83R9lbtNMZ-03lIEZibzW5kTkPdIHgQXO2JxB8s_yKFXDd5BEce04ktI_LudMw_so5ciJnoE-HgeqxbrIIHKE/s320/July%252525202011%25252520004.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Things like this make me smile. Oh and this morning out of the blue Julian said Sami likes chocolate, lol.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-26912226313384022432011-07-22T09:14:00.000-07:002011-07-22T09:14:36.338-07:00RecoveryYesterday I had surgery because I had an umbilical hernia that needed to get fixed. I got this hernia after I had Julian, they say it can be caused by a long labor and well after 33 hrs I guess it was a given. It has just gotten worse throughout the years. I am in pain but I will be fine, the pain I was in after I delivered Emma was worse. The only thing is that I am not supposed to lift more than 10lbs for 6 weeks!!! How is that going to be possible with 2 month old at home? I could go stay at my mom's but that means I won't be able to see my husband during the week and I can't handle that and there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed. For the next few days he will be home with me so I will not worry about anything until I really need to. I am glad I got it fixed now because it was really bothering me and it was only going to get worse. The Dr said it was worse than she thought : (<br />
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So now I sit here getting pampered by my husband and it feels so weird. I HATE just sitting around doing nothing. I could handle that for an hour or two. I guess we will have to make it a movie day today. I just hope the pain starts to ease soon. I really don't want to take the pain meds for much longer. I was still breastfeeding but now I really can't. My milk supply was already dwindling down but I was still able to give something but now with the meds and not being able to lift her I just can't. I know Emma doesn't mind she is not a picky eater she takes the bottle really well. We have her on soy formula like we had Julian, both have a sensitive tummy. Julian out grew it so I hope Emma does to eventually.<br />
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Emma is so talkative these days, she is going to be a little chatterbox!!! She fills our home with so much love and laughter. She still makes those facial expressions that resemble Sami's and I love it. I get sad knowing I missed so much of this with Sami. I know Sami is watching us from above and perhaps making Emma smile.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-41673003129808402962011-07-18T13:34:00.000-07:002011-07-18T13:35:53.295-07:00LoveJulian is the only person who speaks of Sami all the time and I love it. He loves his sister's. We went camping last weekend and as we drove onto the beach he remembered her name written on the sand. He kept saying "like Sami mommy" he is seriously so adorable. I have even heard him tell Emma something about her like he was trying to tell her something about her sister.<br />
When Sami passed one of her nurses gave us a pink teddy bear with wings. Julian never plays with it because he knows it is for Sami but for some reason last night he wanted to hold the bear. He kept saying her name but I couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me about her. Anyhow, he fell asleep with his monkey friend and the bear. When I walked into the room this is how I found him, I just had to take a picture of this.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4u9VXpUB51E/TiSWTWQGr6I/AAAAAAAAfXw/_qvra3djMOk/s1600/Emma%2527s+ear+piercing+103.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4u9VXpUB51E/TiSWTWQGr6I/AAAAAAAAfXw/_qvra3djMOk/s400/Emma%2527s+ear+piercing+103.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How sweet is this?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Emma is so blessed to have big brother like Julian. Sami may not be here with us but she is never far from our thoughts and always lives in our hearts and Emma will definitely know about her big sister.<br />
<div>We baptized Emma a few weeks ago and of course Sami bear joined us.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KZburxnXYnM/ThT2o9ByC-I/AAAAAAAAeWA/CRhsJAQj7bw/s1600/058.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KZburxnXYnM/ThT2o9ByC-I/AAAAAAAAeWA/CRhsJAQj7bw/s640/058.JPG" width="424" /></a></div><div><br />
I loved that our priest included Sami in our ceremony. To me when anyone mentions her name I just instantly smile. It doesn't cause any sadness in my heart that is for sure. When it happens it just validates that she was real and existed even if it was for a short while. </div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com7Diamond Bar, CA, USA34.0286226 -117.810336733.9868016 -117.8582122 34.0704436 -117.76246119999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-61791788505071892262011-06-27T12:54:00.000-07:002011-06-27T12:54:07.122-07:00Monday blues<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lWVa2GgxfSc/TgeitO0Y3kI/AAAAAAAAc_w/qgrj7op4qZ4/s1600/Cowboy+Julian+031.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lWVa2GgxfSc/TgeitO0Y3kI/AAAAAAAAc_w/qgrj7op4qZ4/s320/Cowboy+Julian+031.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sami at Emma's baptism</td></tr>
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I woke up today with such a huge void in my heart, I miss her. I miss her so much and I find myself wondering what she would be doing today even though I normally don't allow myself to do that. 20 months have gone by since I held her, smelled her and felt her breath on me. So much has changed in my life for the better of course but still there is a void within me. Emma has filled my life with so much joy and happiness, I smile more because of her and I love her more because of Sami. I am a different mom now compared to when Julian was little. I guess you can say I do not take anything for granted. Emma is what most people would consider spoiled but I don't. Emma is a <a href="http://www.rowantreefoundation.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=40&Itemid=2">different child</a>, only a parent with a rainbow baby would understand what I am trying to say. Every breath she takes I soke it in because I am in constant fear that she will also be taken from me. I hate that every little thing that I notice different on her freaks me out and I think that she is going to get sick. It is kind of morbid and I HATE it. I wish I didn't have to live this way but on a positive note I love my kids more than ever. With Julian, I hold him extra tight and tell him I love him a hundred times a day because you just never know. <br />
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How I wish she was here running around while I try to tend to Emma thinking to myself that I am crazy for having my kids so close in age. Days like today I have tell myself that she is safe in God's arms and with Marie who is taking the best care of her. One day I will hold her again and see her precious face.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-21125693221383817992011-06-21T13:22:00.000-07:002011-06-21T13:22:02.272-07:00Sami visitsI have been horrible at keeping up with this blog lately : ( I have had a few visits from Sami but haven't had the chance to write about them. <br />
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When Emma was only 1 week old her and I were in the living room and I guess we both dozed off when we were both awaken by the sound of the softest music. I even had to get up and look around for what I thought was a toy or like a mobile for a crib! It was insane, I thought I was going crazy but we heard it because we both woke up at the same time but she peacefully when back to sleep. I just started crying because something like that had never happened to me and more so because I knew it was Sami. I had such a warm feeling come over me. I wish I could experience that feeling more often. Then later that week Julian was playing in his room when he ran into our room with a frantic look on his face and I asked what happened then he was calm again, he said "there was an angel in my room" I said "what do you mean an angel?" He again said "an angel on my pillow and SHE was walking like this" (arching his arms out and moving them as if there were feathers while walking slowly) my husband came out of the restroom and started to ask him if he was scared and he said "no daddy, I not scared" then he went on to talk about Sami and Papa Jesus of course at this point we were both in tears. Twice in one week how amazing<br />
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Sunday at my mom's once again the butterfly was flying by me. It is weird that it is always at my mom's house where I spent my last weeks of her pregnancy there. I know I have posted a picture (another visit) before of this little butterfly but here it was once again looking so beautiful. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FXKHCeR5Q7k/Tf-a-Hxz1FI/AAAAAAAAcaI/bmw97623xZ4/s1600/DSC03584.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FXKHCeR5Q7k/Tf-a-Hxz1FI/AAAAAAAAcaI/bmw97623xZ4/s320/DSC03584.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cjw-sf3d72I/Tf-bBDGr9UI/AAAAAAAAcaQ/gCfldvAJF04/s1600/DSC03585.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cjw-sf3d72I/Tf-bBDGr9UI/AAAAAAAAcaQ/gCfldvAJF04/s320/DSC03585.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was when I got to my mom's in the morning<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-biPzaTph7VE/Tf-cMDqn2uI/AAAAAAAAcdI/FZE3m4bFHIk/s1600/DSC03611.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-biPzaTph7VE/Tf-cMDqn2uI/AAAAAAAAcdI/FZE3m4bFHIk/s320/DSC03611.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Then again in the afternoon!<br />
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</tbody></table>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-36364166898139724362011-05-21T16:53:00.000-07:002011-05-21T16:53:08.936-07:00It's been so longI can't believe it's been so long since I last posted but I have been busy and tired. I am now adjusting to my new routine with a new baby. Julian continues to be amazing and only once he called Emma Sami. It pulled at my heart but I nicely corrected him and he sweetly said "sorry Emma". My husband and I are afraid of doing that especially once she is older. There is a particular face she makes that makes her look just like Sami. It has made me cry plenty of times. The baby blues are going away and I am glad because I was tired of crying for no reason. I would see her and just start balling. Having this little girl is such a blessing that I cannot say thank you enough to the Lord above. <br />
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I am so sad that I never had the chance to hold and kiss Sami all the time like I can with Emma but I know I will one day. There is no doubt in my mind that she is waiting for me. Everyday that passes I am thankful that I got another day with Julian and Emma and at the same time thankful that I am one day closer to Sami. <br />
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There is a hungry little one calling out for me so this is a short one but so far in 2 weeks she has grown an inch and has gained 13 oz... Not bad at all if I say so myself. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitQKq7WK3K2s9NPbLgmolu0PODK_yMSjTwFS9GNEId4d2QcflphIELbAKP5AIsCSmlRgPOFguVV3l-D-kPpvH5Z4EVhgx6ocOOJnbEdodPdD9Ylk6fj9gsDqptC9iTGDJ8GHpm5g7B6sM/s1600/DSC03138.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitQKq7WK3K2s9NPbLgmolu0PODK_yMSjTwFS9GNEId4d2QcflphIELbAKP5AIsCSmlRgPOFguVV3l-D-kPpvH5Z4EVhgx6ocOOJnbEdodPdD9Ylk6fj9gsDqptC9iTGDJ8GHpm5g7B6sM/s320/DSC03138.JPG" width="240px" /></a></div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-84502756200745150622011-05-10T21:23:00.000-07:002011-05-10T21:23:07.748-07:00May 6, 2011<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Sorry I wasn't able to post anything but Friday was a busy day for us. My day started early as we had to get Julian to mom's early enough for me to give him lots of extra hugs and kisses and it worked because he knew something was happening. He didn't cry and he held me extra tight when he hugged me. It was hard not cry in front of him. I was already nervous and anxious to get to the hospital. We arrived at 9am and I checked myself in, not how I imagined Emma's birth to be but it all worked out. <br />
I was trying not to shake and control my emotions because the last I was there well it was a whole lot different. I was sent to room 206, how I wanted room 212 so bad. I wanted to feel her presence in there like the last time but I knew that no matter what room I would be Sami would be there with me. I was contracting on my own and I believe still at 2 cm so we just waited. We had a wonderful nurse with such a happy personality, she is what I needed at that moment. Around 1pm or nothing really changed so I was given some pill, sorry can't remember the name. It is just to help thin out the cervix if I am correct. Then we walked and walked some more. I walked passed room 212 and couldn't help but cry, it was just instant tears. I wanted to knock on the door just to peek in there but of course I didn't. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Around 4pm, I was at 3cm and pitocin was started. The contractions were getting stronger but nothing to make me feel to uncomfortable. I was still smiling and laughing wishing I could sleep but I just can't nap for the life of me. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IycHrWtDJ5g/TchQF42ovTI/AAAAAAAAaZU/ztfBGZOKfa8/s1600/DSC02777.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IycHrWtDJ5g/TchQF42ovTI/AAAAAAAAaZU/ztfBGZOKfa8/s320/DSC02777.JPG" width="320px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As you can tell it wasn't bad at this point<br />
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</tbody></table><div align="left">Around 8pm or so I noticed the contractions were slowing down and more spaced apart so I kind of started to worry. I believe at this point I was 6cm. Forgot to mention 7pm nurse shift change... I got my favorite nurses who were with me when Sami was born. I think Sami knew how well they would take care of and Emma and had it worked because what are the chances that they both would be working? AMAZING!!! </div><div align="left">Anyhow at this point I was debating on having an epidural or not since the contractions were strong but spaced apart but I didn't want not have the option. Around 9 I started to notice a spike in the contractions and asked for the epidural. It was a quick change because I was no longer smiling by this point. Angie (nurse) said I was going to go really quick so she called in for a delivery cart and here I was thinking I still had a few hours to go! I got my epidural, then my doctor came to check me and the by 10:15 I was pushing. It was HARD, Emma was sunny side up and doing a number on my back. I had to be given an episiotomy (ouch). I felt more tugging than ever while having a child. The NICU team had to be called because Emma's heart rate kept dropping. My husband and I were terrified and I was trying to concentrate on getting her out as soon as possible. I felt like I would be pushing for hours like with Julian but thankfully although still a while at 11:35 pm Emma Elliana came into this world. Weighing 7 lbs 11 oz 19 in. NICU checked her out first and gave a clean bill of health. THANK YOU LORD. While pushing I kept asking, God, Sami and Marie to give me the strength to do so because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. </div><div align="left"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy cutting the cord</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nurse Cheryl<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My glow worm</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ3RCKsHxBwIcbzXCkiifZdQj3h34zYbxt7pvqRO98pbXaRgwWMBKBMshWiVJCIf-ytrJgrxmDQ5A7eCpDnMFGOOo-IFV_-ZoTNI3ArK4wgQSk8QkOud8La6N1fg5aCfyyiJ0MfHS2ktE/s1600/DSC02828.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ3RCKsHxBwIcbzXCkiifZdQj3h34zYbxt7pvqRO98pbXaRgwWMBKBMshWiVJCIf-ytrJgrxmDQ5A7eCpDnMFGOOo-IFV_-ZoTNI3ArK4wgQSk8QkOud8La6N1fg5aCfyyiJ0MfHS2ktE/s320/DSC02828.JPG" width="320px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Priceless moment<br />
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</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;">I feel bad that I was in so much pain after that I didn't get to enjoy the first few hours of her arrival. It makes me feel like such a bad mom because I had been dreaming of that moment forever but again her labor was short but it was hard. Her labor took a toll on my body. I am not sure what was causing my pain, my uterus was really hard and I don't know what happened. All I know is that I was given morphine and something else, I was still screaming in pain. I didn't even do that while pushing. Once I was taken to my post partum room it was really intense and morphine was given to me again. It was bad, it wasn't until about 8am that I finally started to feel OK. I finally got to enjoy my little one and stare into her eyes (I can't keep my off of them now). Having her is such a wonderful feeling and I see Sami in her yet she has her own look which I love. It has been a roller coaster of emotions that I can't really put into words at the moment. I am blessed and I feel the love from up above. Here are more photos I wanted to share.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cnOEGm8CF14/TchR5BlyihI/AAAAAAAAakA/jr-gWIDyb3o/s1600/DSC02856.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cnOEGm8CF14/TchR5BlyihI/AAAAAAAAakA/jr-gWIDyb3o/s320/DSC02856.JPG" width="320px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julian meeting her for the first time</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkr_4jTPc3rzLakSLyCy3Iw_GuriaE40LOLY2dX0uDbxSanGEo-s2O00ktHwj4TrDslcE9LHLr2UTjEt8_UqMtkTlitjsPXMDdSIXHogCMeG8RKn2VCtXjooSmvP-VfreS0X3I-9271UI/s1600/DSC02874.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkr_4jTPc3rzLakSLyCy3Iw_GuriaE40LOLY2dX0uDbxSanGEo-s2O00ktHwj4TrDslcE9LHLr2UTjEt8_UqMtkTlitjsPXMDdSIXHogCMeG8RKn2VCtXjooSmvP-VfreS0X3I-9271UI/s320/DSC02874.JPG" width="320px" /></a></div><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matching booties like her big sister Sami and rainbow pants</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yAV-OTa0rok/TchSSillf5I/AAAAAAAAanM/IgNBTACyYxE/s1600/DSC02882.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yAV-OTa0rok/TchSSillf5I/AAAAAAAAanM/IgNBTACyYxE/s320/DSC02882.JPG" width="240px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1-Zmp_9T9jY/TchR2gTSn4I/AAAAAAAAajM/JfI4F_VAWNQ/s1600/DSC02850.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1-Zmp_9T9jY/TchR2gTSn4I/AAAAAAAAajM/JfI4F_VAWNQ/s320/DSC02850.JPG" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zcNO9ctF_wA/TchSQTtQ6KI/AAAAAAAAamU/NdlfpKuBxe4/s1600/DSC02875.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zcNO9ctF_wA/TchSQTtQ6KI/AAAAAAAAamU/NdlfpKuBxe4/s320/DSC02875.JPG" width="240px" /></a></div> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g1hzU6e8258/TchSiLOCO_I/AAAAAAAAapw/MCuGCq-wmnM/s1600/DSC02901.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g1hzU6e8258/TchSiLOCO_I/AAAAAAAAapw/MCuGCq-wmnM/s320/DSC02901.JPG" width="320px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting ready to go home</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mUOIXFAbT1A/TchSoj1X3uI/AAAAAAAAarU/v_DU8Hleo-I/s1600/DSC02912.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mUOIXFAbT1A/TchSoj1X3uI/AAAAAAAAarU/v_DU8Hleo-I/s320/DSC02912.JPG" width="320px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Daddy getting her all set to go with his daddy of an angel bracelet for Sami</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I got my wish</td></tr>
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</div>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-90304872744009570022011-05-05T23:10:00.000-07:002011-05-05T23:10:49.535-07:00May 6, 2011Tomorrow on my due date I will be induced. Pray that everything goes well and that I get to finally come home with a baby in my arms hopefully on Mother's day! Today I had an NST done and she passed with flying colors. This week we have spent so much time bonding with Julian as his world is going to change so much. My son knows something is happening. Today he told me he doesn't want Emma to come because the doctor is going to hurt my tummy! I just love that little boy so much.<br />
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Last night I had a dream that I desperately needed this week... Marie was coming back to us and she seemed really tired and kind of not ready to face our world again but she did however stop to tell me about Sami. She said that she is very spoiled because Marie always had her in her arms, Sami laughs a lot and is a very happy little girl. She also said she always has on the prettiest dresses. I woke up and had a long good cry, I mean one where I couldn't catch my breath. It has been such a long road and as much as I want and need Sami here, I love knowing that she is happy in heaven. Knowing that Marie is holding her close just makes me so happy. I know they are both together and are both so happy. God is great and heaven is really real just like the book. <br />
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I will try to have someone update for me on miss Emma's arrival. Pray all goes well.<br />
For now I leave you pictures from this week. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YbcXx3r1UHw/TcOF3wz1QdI/AAAAAAAAaWM/2OA4DVqBcxU/s1600/DSC02733.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YbcXx3r1UHw/TcOF3wz1QdI/AAAAAAAAaWM/2OA4DVqBcxU/s320/DSC02733.JPG" width="240px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To many things around for Julian, lol.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzQ5tAicJLE3IMfDvg5wNjrotNcRNFvMrf_9X2KSUnFGqNGdgKSV8RupoDSIZ2pP-9ssPKVw_QjvDD3YLAVRUoFHFJz0zGHl3r_q81zBABLxFe0ZBAAAgrgP9LcpbKuLQyRzz97BnZwGI/s1600/DSC02739.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzQ5tAicJLE3IMfDvg5wNjrotNcRNFvMrf_9X2KSUnFGqNGdgKSV8RupoDSIZ2pP-9ssPKVw_QjvDD3YLAVRUoFHFJz0zGHl3r_q81zBABLxFe0ZBAAAgrgP9LcpbKuLQyRzz97BnZwGI/s320/DSC02739.JPG" width="240px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sami's brick with a Toy Story balloon </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qFozuQEVm3Y/TcOEfbTbe4I/AAAAAAAAaTY/c6m7-oG53UA/s1600/DSC02703.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240px" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qFozuQEVm3Y/TcOEfbTbe4I/AAAAAAAAaTY/c6m7-oG53UA/s320/DSC02703.JPG" width="320px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Real soon my belly will be gone</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YzdwgWInXaY/TcOEZPW_JEI/AAAAAAAAaTA/mFj6sRFb5Vs/s1600/DSC02698.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320px" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YzdwgWInXaY/TcOEZPW_JEI/AAAAAAAAaTA/mFj6sRFb5Vs/s320/DSC02698.JPG" width="240px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Julian with his HAPPY face<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-59158409648587274262011-04-26T10:46:00.000-07:002011-04-26T10:46:44.273-07:0018 monthsHas it really been 18 months since I had Sami? Where has the time gone? She should be making a mess of my house by taking things apart and trying to put them back together or she should be trying to copy what i do more. Makes me sad that I do not get to experience those milestones with her. I was telling my husband last night how our lives be so different had we had her and being pregnant with Emma. He said I would drive him crazy since he knows everything annoys me right now, lol. As of today I am more than ready to have Emma, my body is beyond exhausted. Emotionally, I am all over the place. I think having another baby girl is really getting to me. Emma will never replace Sami but seeing all her clothes hanging makes me think of Sami even more and what I missed with her. I am super excited to be a mom to another baby girl but I am so scared. I don't ever want to make Emma feel like if it wasn't for Sami's passing that she wouldn't be here because that is so not the case. Thinking about that makes me cry because I love my kids so much and I never want to make them feel anything other than pure love from me. I know one day I will hold Sami again but the selfish part of me wants that now. I want to hear her baby babble and her adorable laugh, I just want her here with me. <br />
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Baby update: I went to the Dr yesterday and he said if she isn't here by the 3rd he will induce me. That made my day since that day is my birthday. What a special gift that would be right? I wonder how overwhelmed I will be once Emma is placed on my chest after delivery. I have never had the normal experience like I have mentioned before so this being my third will bring on so many new experiences for me, I can't wait for it! Our bags are packed and I am ready. I hope she comes on her own because I really don't want to be induced but we shall see what happens in the next few days. <br />
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I will leave you with a family picture from Easter Sunday. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kj82bEzPBnA/TbT0eSfXN6I/AAAAAAAAZkE/LGAN4mqsUZA/s1600/Emma+104.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400px" i8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Kj82bEzPBnA/TbT0eSfXN6I/AAAAAAAAZkE/LGAN4mqsUZA/s400/Emma+104.JPG" width="300px" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love how Julian holds Sami!<br />
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</tbody></table>Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-81550796293408485302011-04-21T22:21:00.000-07:002011-04-21T22:21:50.257-07:00Take a guessJust for fun since my due date is so close....<br />
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<a href="http://www.expectnet.com/games/EmmasBirthdate">Guess Emma's Birthdate</a><br />
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I am feeling ver ready to have this baby now. I am still scared out of mind because I live in a world now where babies die. I wish I didn't have to sound so morbid but it's something I have to live with everyday. I try not to think of everything that can go wrong but sometimes that is just not possible. I will be able to breathe normally once she is here healthy and safe in my arms. I think it is going to be so weird to have a baby in my room right after birth that is healthy. Weird that this is my 3rd and have not had that experience, so please pray that I get to experience this once she is born. <br />
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Today I went to the doctor and he said any moment now, I have started to dialate so we shall see when she will arrive. I guess I should start getting my bag ready just in case right? I remember packing my bag after my water broke at home with Sami (not fun). I was exactly 38 weeks pregnant with her when she was born, tomorrow I will be 38 weeks with Emma. Now it's just a waiting game. I hope to be able to post soon that she has arrived. <br />
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Don't forget to take a guess, a little prize will be in store for the winner.Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1489893954801724761.post-88080592863999900412011-04-17T12:06:00.000-07:002011-04-17T12:07:14.722-07:00Where I am todayIt's been a while to get to read post and actually write one. Being home I have not had a chance to relax or sit for a second. Julian has me busy, rearranging everything at home and cleaning up has had me exhausted but I know it will all be worth it. My body is tired, the last weeks of pregnancy are hard. I ache pretty much everywhere but I will do it again, I love being a mommy. My belly is huge and I bump it everywhere these days (sorry Emma). Emotionally I have been a little bad. I miss Sami more and more as the birth of Emma gets closer. I find myself wondering more and more who she would be like or how she would be at almost 18 months old. I have much happier days now but that pain is still so present in my heart. Just when I think I am used it to it creeps back like it was just yesterday. <br />
Hopefully I will have more time on my hands by the end of the week to keep everyone up to date with my life. I feel so lost when I am not reading blogs or writing a little something. Hope everyone is well ((HUGS)).Lisettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06486760107232191431noreply@blogger.com6