Sami's Blog: 2012

Friday, October 26, 2012

Happy 3rd birthday

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY SAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How quickly these three years have passed yet it seems like just yesterday I held her in my arms. Today has brought many tears and so many smiles because of how many people have reached out to us in rememberence of Sami. So many wonderful people that I have crossed paths with because of my little beauty. Three years ago I was angry, sad and lost. I couldn't see past a few hours let alone see myself three years later. How much life has changed more than anything how much I have changed. I have grown in so many ways and I have her to thank. Life is not always fair and that ok, life is not always wonderful and that is ok to because without those moments who would not be able to appreciate the little things. I am not always little miss sunshine here but I am able to take a moment during the difficult times and say to myself this shall pass.

Today we have a busy day planned, we are going to the cemetary and putting flowers at the babyland for her little friends then having yummy cupcakes oh we can't forget the balloons despite the crazy Santa Ana winds. My husband decided we should get away this weekend so we are going to do just that. October 26th is a day of celebration and that is just what we are going to do.

Sami, mommy loves and misses you. I am certain you are able to see and see my love.

Your alive in my heart.

Big brother hugs for you

Monday, October 15, 2012

Remembering

Today I remember my precious daughter and all babies gone too soon.
It makes me sad that so many people have suffered the loss of a child but it makes me smile today knowing that someone out there is remembering them. Please do not be afraid to speak of this, I promise you it is not something that is not contagious.
Infant loss happened to me, never in a million years did I think of this but you know what I am stronger because of this loss. Because of my daughter I feel like I can conquer anything, I have already went through the hardest thing possible so now anything that comes my way I know I can over come it.
Thank you Sami for giving me the strength to continue on, I hope I am making you proud. I love you so much baby girl.
I leave you pictures from our Walk to Remember.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

I am sorry

I am sorry I have neglected your blog Sami. I feel horrible about it. In my head I have written post after post but I obviously do nothing, well I can't say that. I start a post but never publish it for some reason or another. So much time has passed and your birthday is just around the corner. It is hard to believe three years have almost passed.
I have to say I am in a better place now but the pain of you missing is always there. I guess you can say I have just learned to cope without you. I am sure you know that baby girl not a single day goes by that I don't think of you. Have you noticed Emma kissing your pictures? Julian still says good night to you and talks about you everyday. I love how you visit him often.
The memorial walk in next month and I am looking forward to it. I love hearing your name out loud so the world can here it. Of course balloons will be sent up for you. I hope you can see it and feel our love.
This post is short but I PROMISE I won't neglect this blog anymore. I need it more than ever as your birthday approaches. I love you so much my love.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentine's Day

We love and miss you so much my love. This morning your brother woke me up and said we had to go buy you flowers and balloons because it was Balentine's day. He said it means love, thanks to the Sprout channel. He is a day early but who cares, he thinks of you just like I do... ALL THE TIME. I miss you more than words can say. On this day and everyday we love you and send you millions of kisses to heaven.
I decided to take a picture of you three and wouldn't you know it, Julian leans over to kiss Emma and I got a perfect shot.

Happy Valentine's day!!!

How I wish we could all be together now....

I WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT MY 3 LOVES!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Your a lucky girl Sami

Sami, you are one lucky girl to have Julian as your big brother. Not one day goes by that he doesn't think of you and mention your name. He loves you and I know he misses you. I love to hear him tell Emma that she has another sister but she lives with Papa Jesus. He isn't afraid to mention your name to anyone and I love that. He makes me so so proud of him. I would fear that he was to young you remember you but I was wrong, so wrong. Last week I was about to begin cleaning up Emma's room but she just looked so cute and I had to take a picture of her. While I was doing that Julian was next me making music (more like banging Emma's blocks) when I heard him sing a song to you. I wish I would have thought of switching my camera to movie mode earlier to catch him when he started but I was so taken back that I just sat there and enjoyed his song to you. I did get to record it but it's hard to hear him clearly. His lyrics went something like, "Sami is a baby, Sami is a baby, she lives in my heart, she lives in my heart" what a beautiful song huh? Did you hear it in heaven my love? I sure hope you did. Here is what I was able to get, listen carefully at the very beginning, before "twinkle twinkle little star"
Do you come into his dreams? Is that how he knows you so well? I love that he loves you so much. I love you too little one.

BEFORE WATCHING BE SURE TO TURN OFF MY MUSIC PLAYER AT THE BOTTOM.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Marie

Yesterday I had my brother and his family over, I love that they all visit me now that I am closer. Anyhow the day was peaceful as can be but I went to bed thinking about Marie. Well she came to me in my dream. I woke up this morning so excited because it has been a while since I had a dream of her. Well in this dream it was yesterday all over again even to the clothes everyone was wearing but Marie was there. It was a like a movie because only I could see her and talk to her yet no one was able to notice me. She walked into the kitchen and I almost knocked her down because I ran to hug her, that hug felt so darn real that I can still feel that now. I was telling her how much I missed her and she she said she missed me too. I asked for Sami and all she said was that she was nearby. I wish I could have seen her (sigh). Anyhow, I asked her if she had seen Emma and she said of course she has and she couldn't believe how fast she was growing. She said she loved the new house and knew how happy I was to be here. The entire time we were having this conversation was she standing next to my brother and she said she missed everyone very much but she is always near them never far behind. I remember feeling sad that they weren't able to feel her but she kept reassuring me that she is always with them and that hopefully they feel her from time to time. I didn't want the time to end but the next thing I knew she was gone and our conversations continued like nothing. She looked beautiful and radiant like always and this time she was wearing white not pink like she usually does. Marie was a beautiful woman but wow heaven has made her look even better. That one in a million smile is brighter, her laughter is bigger and she literally glows now. It brings me such peace when I have dreams of her, I can't wait to see her again.

Now that I am on this subject, on Saturday we went to celebrate my friend's daughter one year in heaven. Not sure if you guys remember but last year she left too soon because of cancer. Anyhow, the balloon release was held at her graveside and it was perfect. The weather was nice and most of all my friend was surrounded by many many people.

An S for Samantha Jordan!!!

Well you know how I mention from time to time that Julian is special? Well as we were getting Emma in her car seat my husband I heard him talking (he was in front next to us) and he said "stop talking to me little angel's" we were like what? So we stopped our conversation so we could him better and again he said "stop talking to me little angel's you are scaring me" then he got in the truck like nothing. We didn't want to mention it to him but he said he seen papa Jesus there so we asked him who he was talking to but he couldn't really explain to us why. Again, my son is SPECIAL!!!!

MIA

That has been me lately, missing in action! I seriously cannot believe I have not posted anything in two months, yes that is right two months. So much has been going on and I just haven't had time or Internet.
We sold our house right before the holiday's so I have been packing, moving and unpacking all before Christmas while my husband was out of town for work. Things were hectic and I think they are finally starting to settle down. Great way to start 2012, happy new year's to everyone.

Recap.... Thanksgiving, it was nice, we shared it with my family. Emma and Julian seemed to like it so that made me feel better. Holiday's are always hard because I know someone is missing but thankfully this Thanksgiving wasn't as hard as last year. We went camping that weekend so it helped me stay busy.

Julian had a black eye from the weekend before : (

I love these two little one's they keep me grounded that is for sure.

Emma is a little character and knows how to get what she wants. She will reach high and low until she gets her target and if she doesn't get it you will hear her from a mile away, lol.

Emma and her crazy camping hair!

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All better after a bath

The move to a new city closer to my family is something I have been wanting for years and I couldn't be happier. I am sad we left our old house because we had so many memories there but those memories will always be in my heart and new memories are to be made at our new place so I try not to dwell to much on the change. The house is bigger and my husband will be able to keep his horse in the backyard so I cannot complain. Someone upstairs was looking out for us!!!! Moving right before the holiday's was challenging but we did it and still managed to put up a Christmas tree for the kids.