Thursday, June 25, 2009

Feeling blue today

I guess this is part of it but I am totally feeling like crap today, I am just so sad. I want to just lay in bed and cry. There are some days when all this seems more real than others and well I guess today is one of them. At this point I am not sure what I really feel. Is it anger, fear, sadness??? Who can answer that?
I feel like I am alone in all of this and really I am not, I read so many stories of woman who have been through this and are currently going through and I wonder if I can be as strong as them. I guess, we don't have much of a choice but to go with it but still, where does that strength come from? It has to be higher power because I cannot explain it.
People ask me, "How are you feeling?" I always say fine but in reality I want to tell them that I my heart aches so much and this isn't fair. Why me? We planned for this little miracle, took every pro caution, I took vitamins for months before as they say a woman should and for what??? What is the meaning of all of this? God, have so many questions!!! I have tried to not feel angry but today I just cannot help it. I am so mad and I am not even sure exactly who or what I am mad at. Can it just be so much sadness that makes me feel this way? I am not sure but I really just want it to go away because I am going to go crazy. I just want to be able to enjoy this but I can't!!
God, please help me!!!!


Hope's Blog said...

My heart aches when I read through this post. I had so many of the same feelings when I first found out about Hope and your post brought a lot of them back. It is such a heartwrenching time, but I continue to pray for a miracle...for both of us. Take the time and cry and feel everything, you need it. I know people ask how you are feeling and I have finally gotten to the point where I am actually telling them.

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