Friday, January 15, 2010

Having a good day today!

Today is a good day and I am not even sure why. I just woke up feeling good and I am not going to complain about that. I am looking forward to this weekend and we have no plans. This week I went and got a much needed hair cut. I felt really nice to cute my hair short, for some reason it made me feel relieved. Today I finally made our appointment to see the counselor next Wednesday and I am really looking forward to that. I really hope it helps my husband and I. I thought of doing group counseling but I decided I would try this first, I think this might be best right now. Maybe later I will try the other one.

Next week I go back to work, I was supposed to go back last month but I got an extra 6 weeks which I really needed. Now I feel like I might be ready. I am sad that I will have to leave Julian because my goodness, he and I are attached at the hip right now! However I think it would be good for him to go back to his normal schedule. My parents take care of him so I have nothing to worry about because he loves to be with them. I think I am going to cry more than he will that is for sure. I am not looking forward to the hour drive to and from work but I did it before and I can do it again. I am a little scared because I know there are going to be some clients who will say something stupid that will probably make me upset but I cannot stay in my little bubble forever. I need to really get back to a regular schedule. I am scared because I have not seen my co-workers in so long and I know they are going to assume that the old me will be back at work. I know they will be a little cautious with me and sensitive of course but I know they do not realize how much I have changed in these past few weeks. Part of me wishes I was going to start at a new place just because I really do not want to go back. Not that I do not like my job but I just feel like I just need to keep moving forward. I feel so lost in trying to make sense of my life this past year. I want to have and answer or know the meaning to all of this. I feel like God put this in my path for a reason and not being able to pin point it kind of frustrates me. I know with time I will know but I just wish I knew right now. For now I will just continue to count my many blessings and let God lead the way. I am wishing everyone a great weekend ahead.

On another note: please take a moment to pray for the many victims of Haiti. My heart is broken for the many victims. They have a long road ahead of them.

7 comments:

April said...

It's good to see that you are doing better. I know what you mean by not being sure why God chose this path for you. I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing different. Right now I am just trying to make it through each day. Goodluck going back to work. I went back 2 weeks ago and it was a lot harder than I thought, but it did get easier with each day.

Laura said...

Thinking of you...praying for you as you go back to work. You are so brave. Keep holding on tight to your husband.

Love,
Laura

Mattie said...

The first day back to work was hard for me, I went back 6 weeks after my loss. But a few things did make it a little easier I think. I arrived 30 minutes before everything else and straightened up my office, put some flowers on my desk and got settled in. I think it helped not having to greet everyone as soon as I walked through the door. I have amazing co-workers and I just told them that it would take me a while to get back in the swing of things.
I can't explain how exhausting it was for me to be forced to think about something else.
I have been back to work for a couple months now and my productivity still isn't back to 100%, but I am getting there.
Be kind to yourself and take time out if you need it.
Hugs!

crystal theresa said...

i'm glad you are having a good day :). i hope next week goes ok, that things aren't too awkward, and that your coworkers are sensitive and respectful. ((hugs))

AnnaMarie said...

I'm so glad that you had a good day :)

Holly said...

Hooray for a good day! I love the good days! And yay for a haircut! I know I always feel pretty good after getting one. I hope that the counseling goes well for you and your hubby and also you going back to work. No doubt somebody will prolly say something at some point. I hope that it will be easy on you.

Once A Mother said...

I am so happy that you are having a good day and want you to know how proud i am of you for being able to go back to work. i never went back, couldn't bring myself to do it. your strength leaves me in awe. as always, thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

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