I am not sure at where all this anger is stemming from but boy is it ever so present. I am angry at everything yet at nothing if that makes any sense at all. These past few days I just can't seem to shake it off and it is driving me crazy because I hate feeling this way. I hate being mad all the time and not knowing why. Am I angry for having people close to me not give a shit about what I am feeling? Am I angry because I want to run away and I can't? Or is that I am just angry that I do not have my daughter and I just can't understand why? I am not sure if I am confusing my feelings of sadness for anger. I try to tell myself to just let it go but for some reason this week I can't. I don't know if I am still angry about the picture thing or if I am angry that no one close to me really understands what I am going through. It is no one's fault and I cannot hold them accountable for not knowing what to do or say. I myself do not even know what I want of people. Do I want to be left alone or deep down inside do I just want someone to grab me and give me hug and cry with me? I can't be constantly telling people what I need or want all the time because for someone who has never been through this it can get annoying. For so long I have been one person and now I am this moody, don't care type of person. For people that are going through this, how do you handle having a person close to you not be there for you when you need it the most? I don't want to be resentful but I seriously can't help it. I am not sure how to go about those relationships. So if someone out there knows the answer please feel and share that with me.
Alright enough of that now... on a good note, I finally took a picture of Sami's bear (her urn) and I thought I would share. She is still missing her wings but I just ordered them today so I will update her picture when they come in. On another note I have been brain storming ideas as to how I want to help others in Sami's name. I have a few at the moment but nothing concrete so I will share that at a later time. I just have this feeling that I need to do something. Little by little I am starting to get motivated. Hopefully that will help me in my grieving. Oh gosh grieving that word sounds so weird to me, perhaps it is just part of my denial. I think I need to stop writting now before I drive myself crazy. My poor husband, I have been horrible these past few days! My mind is going a million miles per minute, it is going to short circuit soon. I just re read this post and boy is it out there!