Oh emotional Monday is back!!!!!!!!! I seriously don’t know what triggers this. I was at the store during my lunch break and it just hit me. I had to walk out of the store and call my honey so he can tell me silly and put me back in a good mood. He did and it worked for a while but it is still hard. I miss Sami, I miss Marie. Tomorrow will be 5 months since Marie passed away. How time flies, I can’t believe it has been that long. Yesterday I was at her house watching the girls swim and it just broke my heart. She is supposed to be here watching them, loving them and being the wonderful mother that she was. Life without has not been very easy for me. I miss being able to pick up the phone and talking to her. On a day like today I know I could call her and she would find a way to make me feel better.
Today I miss Sami more than ever. I feel like the more passes the more I miss her instead of me getting used to the idea that she is no longer here. It’s almost been 9 months and I have started really thinking of ideas about her memorial service that I have planned. Everyday I seem to change my mind about how I want to approach this. One day I want everyone there and the next not so much. I guess it depends on what mood I am in. Grieving is vicious cycle!!!!!!!! It consumes your life. It changes who you are indefinitely. I wonder if people can notice how much I have changed. Do they even care? Ok maybe today I am just feeling sorry for myself, don’t know what it is. The tears are starting to flow so I am going to end this now. I am going to try to make the most of my day. I am going to pick up Julian in a bit and I know he will do or say something to put me back on track.
1 year ago