Monday, July 19, 2010

Emotional Monday is back

Oh emotional Monday is back!!!!!!!!! I seriously don’t know what triggers this. I was at the store during my lunch break and it just hit me. I had to walk out of the store and call my honey so he can tell me silly and put me back in a good mood. He did and it worked for a while but it is still hard. I miss Sami, I miss Marie. Tomorrow will be 5 months since Marie passed away. How time flies, I can’t believe it has been that long. Yesterday I was at her house watching the girls swim and it just broke my heart. She is supposed to be here watching them, loving them and being the wonderful mother that she was. Life without has not been very easy for me. I miss being able to pick up the phone and talking to her. On a day like today I know I could call her and she would find a way to make me feel better.


Today I miss Sami more than ever. I feel like the more passes the more I miss her instead of me getting used to the idea that she is no longer here. It’s almost been 9 months and I have started really thinking of ideas about her memorial service that I have planned. Everyday I seem to change my mind about how I want to approach this. One day I want everyone there and the next not so much. I guess it depends on what mood I am in. Grieving is vicious cycle!!!!!!!! It consumes your life. It changes who you are indefinitely. I wonder if people can notice how much I have changed. Do they even care? Ok maybe today I am just feeling sorry for myself, don’t know what it is. The tears are starting to flow so I am going to end this now. I am going to try to make the most of my day. I am going to pick up Julian in a bit and I know he will do or say something to put me back on track.

10 comments:

Kalialani said...

I'm SO sorry you're having a bad day Lisette. Grief is SO unpredictable and I hate it! I'm SO sorry you don't have your Sami here with you and I know you miss her dearly. 5 months...doesn't it seem like time goes by MUCH faster after the people we love are gone? At least that's how I feel...I wonder if we'll ever TRULY get used to the idea that they're no longer here. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to that time but then if we could fast forward maybe we could rewind to the time when they WERE here. UGH I just hate thinking about the what-ifs. It really does eat you up, inside out. Thinking of Sami with you.

xoxo

Hope's Blog said...

I am so sorry you are having another sad Monday. I am so close to you and wish I could drive down and see you. I am thinking of Sami tonight and I know you are as well.

Sarita Boyette said...

Sending love and hugs to you as you remember your sweet girl. I hope your son helped you to have a better afternoon. Yes, we do change when we lose a child. I was never the same person after my Meredith died. I don't even remember that happy-go-lucky girl. I saw a quote that goes something like, "We are changed, not because she left us, but because she touched us." and that is so true. Praying....

Jill said...

You are right, it is such a viscous cycle. I often wonder if people can see how much I have changed. I think they can. So many of my relationships have changed. As time goes on, I find myself missing my babies even more as well. Sorry you were having a bad Monday. xo

AnnaMarie said...

Exactly! Grief is all consuming. It's so exhausting. I'm sorry that you had another rough Monday. Thinking of you and wishing you some peaceful moments today.

Franchesca said...

I am so sorry you had such a rough time yesterday. I don't know what triggers those days either. And I totally agree, the more time passes, the more i miss her too. Praying for you and hoping your Tuesday is better. XO

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

The missing is so hard...and, like others have said...with time, the missing just grows. So grateful for God's comfort...but, I know that doesn't always make the missing any easier.

Love and prayers for you...

Megan said...

Time is sometime my enemy. It feels sometimes as though I am so overwhelmed with everything and the future without my son. Know I am thinking of you and if I could I would give you a hug!

Mary said...

I'm sorry that you had a bad Monday. Those sneaky moments of greif can pull your feet from under you. I don't know when it will get better but I have to believe that it does get better for us. This pain is too great.

Mattie said...

So sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do for Shyla's birthday as well...just six weeks away...I too can't believe how time flies.

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