How do I calm my mind from thinking that the worse can happen at any moment with this pregnancy? I was really doing fine, I was happy and didn't let fear get to me but now it seems that it has gotten the best of me. I am scared! Lord knows that there is nothing more in this world I want than to bring this baby healthy into this world.
I still can't believe we are having another baby girl, since I was little I dreamt of being a mom to a little girl. I had the opportunity with Sami but my hopes and dreams were shattered. Now that it's happening again I am more scared that the chance will slip through my fingers again. I know, I know think positive well I have before and we all know how that ended. Having a baby after a loss is so darn emotional. Your happy, your sad, your hopeful and your fearful all at once. It is so exhausting for me!!!! I am tired, I wish I could just sleep through this pregnancy or be able to see into my belly to know that she is OK. I am so thankful for my heart doppler because I would go insane without it. Whenever I have any doubt I just put that little thing on my belly and listen to her heart. It is music to my ears, I just love that sound so much.
On the 21st I go to the specialist again and I am excited because I know I will get to see her again. My belly is getting pretty big but that is nothing new because I always get big belly's. With Sami it was ridiculously big but that was because I had poly. Last week my regular OB doc said I am measuring ahead so maybe she will decide to come sometime in April. I just pray she comes home to me. So far I have had nothing to be worried about but they haven't checked her heart yet so until I know that it's OK then maybe I will be able to relax a tiny bit.
In the last two weeks 3 mom's have lost their rainbows, please say a little prayer for them. I can't imagine how they feel.
1 year ago