Monday, January 03, 2011

Hello 2011

I was so excited for 2010 to be over. 2011 will be better than the last two years of my life. We have a new little one growing and growing in my belly, I love it. She is moving so much more now, I can't seem to get enough of it. Yesterday with no intentions of buying furniture we ended up buying Emma's crib. I was scared to make such a purchase because there is always that "what if" in the back of my mind but I can't continue to be that way. Finally 22 weeks and I can say with confidence "she IS going to come home." I am excited about this new confidence I have. I felt so guilty feeling like I wasn't able to share my happiness with this pregnancy because the fear I have deep down inside. 2011 is going to be a new chapter in my life.


Us with Sami in my heart and Emma in my belly

Sometimes I feel so sad that I didn't get the chance to buy things for Sami while I was pregnant with her but I try not to think of that as much.  I know that Emma will never replace her, people can think that I am healed but I am far from it. I still cry and often, I miss her so much. I am sad that I never had the chance to really be her mommy and show her how much love I had to offer. There will always be a void in my heart.

Sami, mommy loves you. Do you still hear Julian talking about you all the time? He misses you too sweetheart. Please continue to help your baby sister grow and grow. I can't wait to tell her all about you.

Me at 22 weeks


 

13 comments:

Kara said...

So, so true Lisette. I just wanted to tell you that you look so lovely - with Sami in your heart and Emma in your belly! You are a beautiful momma! I'm so glad you have begun to feel at ease with this pregnancy - it gives me such hope for my own family's future.

Crystal Theresa said...

you look so gorgeous! i love that you were able to buy Emma's crib :). although you will always miss Sami, it's wonderful that you can make preparations for her little sister's homecoming <3.

Michelle said...

So happy for you Lisette! You look great! We are about the same far along - I am 21 weeks due May 13th. I know as a momma our hearts are always filled with many emotions even some we don't understand or hard to deal with. I am glad everything is going well with Emma. I also worried about buying things for my 3rd baby Alexa as she had heart troubles but she is doing well after some heart surgeries. Even with this baby - I know I felt like I couldn't/can't breathe until I have this baby in my arms - but I am also beginning to relax more at this point and enjoy my pregnancy. We were told at the level II ultrasound everything looked great - we will still have a fetal echo to double check things next week. Hugs!

Hope's Blog said...

You are such an amazingly beautiful pregnant mommy. I am jealous...I look like a huge whale when I am pregnant. I am so happy that you are enjoying your pregnancy and that everything is going so well. You deserve a magnificent 2011!

Michele said...

Beautiful... Very beautiful... :)

Antoinette said...

you look AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I totally get the guilt for not being able to fully enjoy it...I am doing my best as well...and now that he is kicking a lot more often I am able to have a little more sense of relief...I am glad you made the step of getting the crib...all these things seem normal to others but for us there is always that "what if".....((hugs)) to you

Caroline said...

You look wonderful and I'm so happy for you. I understand the what if's when I carried my Rainbow I drove my hubby nuts. I'm excited for 2011. Keeping you in my prayers.

Jill said...

I know how hard it is to make those purchases. The crib was the first thing I bought and I was happy when I had it at home. You look so beautiful!!!

Mattie said...

You look so beautiful! Hugs and Prayers.

Stephanie said...

THinking of you and baby Emma!

Olivia's Mom said...

What a beautiful momma! Lots of prayers continuing to go your way! :)

renfo82 said...

I am so happy that you are feeling comfortable with this pregnancy. You look gorgeous in your pictures. I am awaiting that poin when I feel comfortable, really comfortable to start getting ready for this baby. Movement like you said definately helps. Maby prayers as always.

Betty said...

Beautiful. (((hugs)))

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