Saturday, February 19, 2011

Missing Marie

It seems like it was just yesterday that I heard her voice but it really hasn't. A whole year has gone by without her. Writing this the tears are flowing because this wasn't supposed to happen. Last year I was asking for prayers and a miracle but God had other plans. Marie was not meant to finish her life here with us. We are having her a mass and a lunch to celebrate her beautiful life but it is not the way we ever anticipated her celebration. Not a single moment goes by that I don't think of her. The only comfort I have is knowing that she is taking care of Sami for me. I know Sami isn't alone and I love knowing that. That was just Marie, taking care of everyone first.
I replay the 19th and 20th of February in my head all the time even though I wish I didn't. Sometimes I wish I could block it out so I wouldn't hurt so much. This past year watching my brother and his kids learn to live a new life without her has been hard. He is doing such a great job but what choice does he have really? It is like me being a loss mom, I don't have a choice I just roll with it. I see him and he just looks so empty all the time. That was his best friend for so many years, they truly loved each other. Their story was just so perfect, high school sweethearts. I wish I had an answer for why she had to leave so soon. So many of us are just taken back by her loss. My family is different because she is missing. Sami was the first to leave us and that rocked us to the core and a short 4 months later Marie. It was just so sudden, none of us were prepared for that fateful day.
I miss her so badly, I miss her voice and I hate the fact that she is not going to be here to share in Emma's life.
Recently I was going through some papers and I found a card she gave me while I was pregnant with Sami. Here is what is said....

Amazing right? She is my guardian angel, she said it herself.

My niece started a blog (my mom, my superhero) a few months back, she doesn't write often but I like knowing that she is somehow expressing her feelings about the passing of her mom. If you get a chance stop on by and let her know that you are praying for her. She has been through so much this year. I don't think the days without Marie get any easier.

I miss her but I love knowing that Sami is with her. Sami is in the best care possible. My guardian angel is watching her for me until we all meet again. I can't wait for that reunion. As look back and remember Marie I realize how great she was, she did so many unselfish things for everyone. She was an angel even here on earth.
Marie, I love you and miss you so much. When I dream of you, you always look so happy and radiant. Thank you for letting me know that you are well and you haven't forgotten me. It fills my heart with peace.

Marie playing with Julian

Looking beautiful as ever here.


Hope's Blog said...

Oh Listette...I am so sorry you are feeling so bad today. Marie is holding Sami and watching over you today...and every day. Wish I could give you a big {{HUG}}

Mattie said...

What a beautiful card...I'm tearing up now too...I wish I could just give you a (((big hug))) right now!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I'll be praying for you today.

Life Without You said...

It so breaks my heart..Iam so sorry liz..I will have you in my thought and prayers and your brother and the kids just brought tears to my eyes

Caroline said...

Praying for you and your family. Holding you close to my heart and saying lots of prayers. Just know she is always with you just as your Sami is.
{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}

Sarita Boyette said...

What a beautiful card Marie sent you! I wonder if she somehow knew that she would be in Heaven soon? I'm sure she is taking care of little Sami for you in Heaven. I'm so sorry they both had to go. Praying for you. I loved your Hope post, also. xoxo

Melissa said...

Oh my, that card just says it all doesn't it.
Thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer!

Shawn and Wendy said...

you are in our prayers!! you may seem so broken right now but god will take care of you..everytime you cry hes crying with is a really hard thing to have but when it all comes down to thats all you have then you learn:) your very special person & god puts people like us through things for diff reasons i believe & he knows we are able to do the impossible..hugs

WiseBursche said...

I hope Marie is in peace wherever she is. And that Sami has a good hand to hold on to.

I was very touched with the comment you left me (and the quote therein) and yes, it is like that. One part of what I felt and my emotions can never truly be said, because it will never be in words what it was when my baby was in my womb.


Remembering your lost family with you and sending strength especially to your brother and the children.

Trisha Larson said...

Just wanted to let you know that I visited Sami's brick yesterday. I even took a picture! I can't find your email but if you want I will send it to you.


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