I am not big on Monday's then this Monday I turn 32, blah is all I have to say. Today should be a happy day, a day of reflection and accomplishments. Not this day... today I am reflecting on the fact that one year ago today Sami was still alive in me and today she is not. Last year I was celebrating with family and friends and life was good. People were touching my belly guessing if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I was happy a year ago, I was happy to have a baby in my belly. One year later, my life is filled with grief. Sami is not here, Marie is not here so what is there to celebrate. Maybe next year I will but not today.
I am really sad and feeling blue. Marie never forgot my birthday, she always called me, gave me beautiful card and always made me feel special on this day. It's not fair that I can't have that this year. I am supposed to hear her tell me that Sami is watching over me and that she misses me. Does anyone remember those monchichi dolls? Well for my 4th birthday Marie and my brother bought me one. It came in a huge white box with a red bow, I sat on the kitchen table and opened it. That was the best birthday ever!!!! My monchichi was like my child, I took her everywhere I went. 28 years later and she is still with me, funny huh? Anyhow, those are the birthday's I like to remember. Also my 30th, my husband had me a huge party, bar tender and all. Marie actually took a shot with me! Good times!
This year I am here at home angry at the world. I wish I could just fast forward today. My highlight was Julian singing his happy song to me and telling on his daddy that he bought me balloons, flowers and a cake. Julian is so cute! I should stop my pity party and count my blessings, I have been blessed for 32 years and I will continue to be as long as there is a breath in me. God has been great to me even though some days I don't always feel that way.
Yesterday was International Babyloss Mother's Day. I had a pretty busy day with a First Communion that I wasn't able to listen live on Anchored by Hope but I did hear it later. If you click on the link you can here it for yourself. It was beautiful, I was so glad to be able to hear the voices of people who have been so helpful to me on this journey. I wasn't able to send a message to everyone but I wanted to wish you each one of you a Happy Mother's Day to you.
1 year ago