Monday, May 03, 2010

Monday and 32!

I am not big on Monday's then this Monday I turn 32, blah is all I have to say. Today should be a happy day, a day of reflection and accomplishments. Not this day... today I am reflecting on the fact that one year ago today Sami was still alive in me and today she is not. Last year I was celebrating with family and friends and life was good. People were touching my belly guessing if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I was happy a year ago, I was happy to have a baby in my belly. One year later, my life is filled with grief. Sami is not here, Marie is not here so what is there to celebrate. Maybe next year I will but not today.

I am really sad and feeling blue. Marie never forgot my birthday, she always called me, gave me beautiful card and always made me feel special on this day. It's not fair that I can't have that this year. I am supposed to hear her tell me that Sami is watching over me and that she misses me. Does anyone remember those monchichi dolls? Well for my 4th birthday Marie and my brother bought me one. It came in a huge white box with a red bow, I sat on the kitchen table and opened it. That was the best birthday ever!!!! My monchichi was like my child, I took her everywhere I went. 28 years later and she is still with me, funny huh? Anyhow, those are the birthday's I like to remember. Also my 30th, my husband had me a huge party, bar tender and all. Marie actually took a shot with me! Good times!

This year I am here at home angry at the world. I wish I could just fast forward today. My highlight was Julian singing his happy song to me and telling on his daddy that he bought me balloons, flowers and a cake. Julian is so cute! I should stop my pity party and count my blessings, I have been blessed for 32 years and I will continue to be as long as there is a breath in me. God has been great to me even though some days I don't always feel that way.

Yesterday was International Babyloss Mother's Day. I had a pretty busy day with a First Communion that I wasn't able to listen live on Anchored by Hope but I did hear it later. If you click on the link you can here it for yourself. It was beautiful, I was so glad to be able to hear the voices of people who have been so helpful to me on this journey. I wasn't able to send a message to everyone but I wanted to wish you each one of you a Happy Mother's Day to you.

10 comments:

Antoinette said...

happy birthday Lisette, I can imagine today wasnt so "happy" but you are right, there is so much in your life to feel blessed about...thinking of you and sami as always...My sister's name is Marie..I always see you write about Marie that has passed, is she your sister? Anyway, her name always catches my eye...as soon as what i have is ready i am going to email you it..(((big birthday hugs))) ****birthday punches as well**** lol

The Blue Sparrow said...

Happy Birthday Lisette! I'm sorry your having a rough day. So much of this grief road is uphill and bumpy. I know that both Sami and Marie are up there smiling and wishing you a happy birthday. I wish I could give you a big big hug and let you know that you're not alone. I'll be praying.

April said...

Happy Birthday, Lisette! While God has blessed you with many things in life, including Julien, I think you have the right to have a "pity party". A lot has been taken from you recently and birthdays always make you reflect on your life, good and bad. I hope your day gets better. I know you said Marie should be here to remind you that Sami is looking down on you, but remember that Sami and Marie are both looking down on you and wanting you to be happy!!

Bree said...

My last few birthdays were tough as well- losing my dad and Ella so close to that day. I'm sorry. I hope you at least had something yummy to eat and were able to do something small to celebate. I totally remember Monchichis. :)

mrslinares said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mattie said...

Happy Birthday Lisette! I pray peace and comfort through the rest of the day and week for you!

Hope's Blog said...

Happy Birthday! I know Sami and Marie are singing you a birthday song today. Big HUGS to you.

crystal.z said...

Big hugs to you, Lisette. When my birthday came this year, I did the same thing... thinking back to last year and Calvin growing in my belly. Thinking he was safe and not knowing that a week later I'd lose him and be in the hospital delivering him. I hope you are able to feel Sami, Faith, and Marie with you today. xoxo.

With Out My Punkin said...

((hugs)) I'm sorry you are having a rough day. Happy Birthday. Sami and Marie sang you happy birthday and had a party I am sure. Thinking of you.

Jessica said...

I am so sorry you had to celebrate your birthday without your sweet little girl and your wonderful sister. *huge hugs* I know its about a week later, but thinking of you.

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