Thursday, August 26, 2010

Feeling a whole lot better

Well it's almost the weekend and I am quite excited. I am finally going to have a girls night with my friend's. My honey and Julian are going to have a fun Saturday too since they are going to go watch the PBR. I hope Julian stays put, lol. I am sure he will do just fine, he loves to watch bull riding.

I am still a little angry but I have decided that there is no point to that. It's a feeling I rarely have and I hate it so it's time to just get over it. It does no good to me. I figure if people want me in their lives then they will and if not oh well nothing I can do about it. I am sticking to my last post this time.

So now to real stuff that just makes me so darn proud of myself. I have taken 100 steps forward!!! I actually walked into a Babies R Us without wanting to burst into tears and I even helped one of my dearest friend's register for her baby girl!!! It was something that I needed to do for myself and boy am I glad I did because I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I am so glad that I did that. Then another giant step was I actually attended my first 1st birthday party for another friend's son. I remember us being pregnant together last summer. I attended her baby shower and was so jealous, how I love that feeling being gone. I am truly happy for both of my friend's as they both embrace being a mommy as it should be. Lately it seems like everyone is pregnant around me and in this blog world and it really makes me smile. It gives me hope that I didn't have before. I am scared for everyone because I know how quickly things can change but I am really hopeful that they will get to start a new chapter in their lives filled with diapers to change, bottles to feed and kisses to give. So to all mom's expecting their rainbows---CONGRATULATIONS once again.  I often wonder how I am going to react to being pregnant again. Am I going to be scared to enjoy it for the fear that it can end so quickly or will be a peace and actually be able to enjoy it? There is no way that I can go into it like before.  Again, I miss being naive at times. Who knows what is in store for our little family but for now I am just going to take it as it comes.

Lately I have noticed that I don't cry as often and although that makes me sad it also gives me some comfort. I know in my heart that Sami is in a better place and one day I will be with her again. Oh I read the book 6 Big, Big Angels by Mary Jo Pennington and wow is all I have to say. I recommend it to everyone. It was suggested to me by Belle at Beauty from ashes, THANK YOU so much.  It gives a glimpse as to what heaven is really like. So this week is ending on a much better note, I hope it continues that way.

12 comments:

Laura said...

Thinking of you today....so thankful your heart is feeeling lighter today. You are a treasure.
Sending you love,
Laura

Holly said...

I'm glad you are gonna have a girls night! I hope you have tons of fun!!!

You've made some great steps forward and that is just awesome! So proud of you! :)

butterflymom said...

So glad that you are having better days... it gives me some hope in all the steps you have taken to get where you are. By the way, I noticed that are babies dates are close. Hugs to you in the upcoming months ahead.

mrslinares said...

I'm glad to hear your having a better day!!!

Sarita Boyette said...

So glad you are better and will be having fun with your girlfriends! Sounds like you have made some great advancements in your grief journey. I wasn't able to go to baby showers for years after my loss. Thank you for all your kind comments on my blog. As always, remembering brave little Sami with you.

croleyc69 said...

So glad you are having a girl's nite out. Glad you are making some steps forward. It's tough I know. My last pregnancy I tried to not fear but it was hard. Praying for you always and remembering Sami. I love that name :)

Caroline

Kalialani said...

Aww I'm happy for you that you were able to reach all these milestones and I often wonder the same things about a rainbow. But I will be happy to hear the day you bring home a little brother or sister for Julian and Sami.

xoxo

Bree said...

Even when I was pregnant, I had a really hard time going to BRU again. Good for you! I look forward to it being your turn and you being able to go there and shop for yourself. It will be a scary time, but we will all be here to support you. xo

Once A Mother said...

i have never felt brave enough for BRU. Your strength continues to amaze and inspire me. thinking of you always xx

elena said...

OOoo have fun on your GNO! I love that you are having one.

Congratulations on your big steps!

JaninaCakes said...

It was a great trip. And thanks for recommending small bird studio, Franchesca is Awesome!

Lori said...

There really is something just wonderful about being with other women who love you and with whom you can be yourself and share and cry and giggle...whatever you need or want. So glad you are getting a night like that (or had, I guess...I'm catching up on blogs!)

I am impressed with the 1st birthday party. Don't think I'd be up for that. Well, I know I wouldn't, but don't know that I'd push myself to do it anyway.

Lots of love!

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