Tuesday, April 26, 2011

18 months

Has it really been 18 months since I had Sami? Where has the time gone? She should be making a mess of my house by taking things apart and trying to put them back together or she should be trying to copy what i do more. Makes me sad that I do not get to experience those milestones with her. I was telling my husband last night how our lives be so different had we had her and being pregnant with Emma. He said I would drive him crazy since he knows everything annoys me right now, lol. As of today I am more than ready to have Emma, my body is beyond exhausted. Emotionally, I am all over the place. I think having another baby girl is really getting to me. Emma will never replace Sami but seeing all her clothes hanging makes me think of Sami even more and what I missed with her. I am super excited to be a mom to another baby girl but I am so scared. I don't ever want to make Emma feel like if it wasn't for Sami's passing that she wouldn't be here because that is so not the case. Thinking about that makes me cry because I love my kids so much and I never want to make them feel anything other than pure love from me. I know one day I will hold Sami again but the selfish part of me wants that now. I want to hear her baby babble and her adorable laugh, I just want her here with me.

Baby update: I went to the Dr yesterday and he said if she isn't here by the 3rd he will induce me. That made my day since that day is my birthday. What a special gift that would be right? I wonder how overwhelmed I will be once Emma is placed on my chest after delivery. I have never had the normal experience like I have mentioned before so this being my third will bring on so many new experiences for me, I can't wait for it! Our bags are packed and I am ready. I hope she comes on her own because I really don't want to be induced but we shall see what happens in the next few days.

I will leave you with a family picture from Easter Sunday.
I love how Julian holds Sami!


Melissa said...

Great picture! Counting down the days with you...God's peace!

Caroline said...

Beautiful picture of all of you.
Happy Heavenly 18 months Sami.
Thinking of you so much & hoping Emma comes on her own. I never was induced and I never thought I would want it unless I had too.
That would be a wonderful present too.

PB&J said...

Hoping for an early birthday gift for you.. and the sweet arival of your precious little girl... Seems that all our angel children are in heaven handing down brothers and sisters lately...all around the 18 month mark too - wishing it were different..but holding you and your family in my heart.

Stephanie said...

You look gorgeous mama! Happy Easter! We were all just saying the same thing over at my house. . .where has the time gone? Amelia should be here too. SO should Sami. But I am hoping that they are together having the most glorious time, and waiting for the day that they get to see us again.

April said...

Love the family picture! You look great!

*Laura Angel said...

That totally gave me chills that you may have her on your birthday! I was born on my moms birthday its very special!

Sarita Boyette said...

Love your picture! It would be amazing if Emma was born on your birthday! Emma will know she is loved, just as you love Sami and your son.
Remembering Sami on this day - 18 months with Jesus in Heaven. xoxo

Hope's Blog said...

I love the picture. Sami is deeply missed and Emma will know and love her sister and also know how much she is loved by all of you. I can't wait to see pictures of Emma...come on baby, your family is ready to meet you.

St Elsewhere said...

Remembering your angel with you.

It is so incredible that the anniversaries and milestones creep on us, and slap us right on our face. Sami is so loved.

Emma's birthday the same as yours? That would be wonderful!

Take care!

Malory said...

Its all so unfair.

I worry too about what JD will think & feel when he is older.

Your fam pic is beautiful & so are you!

Nicole said...

Your fam picture is beautiful! Stay safe!

Feel free to check out my personal blog or my photography blog dedicated to my angel girl and my boyfriend. Portion of the proceeds go to Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope. www.nmmphotography.blogspot.com

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