Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Almost at the finish line

I can't believe it, almost at the finish line. I can see it ahead of me and I am so excited. In a few weeks I will once again be blessed by giving birth to a beautiful baby. I keep telling myself that because I can't imagine how much my life is going to change once again. From this I am going to learn and grow so much more, looking forward to it. This will be my last week at work and I couldn't be happier. I am so exhausted and I want to be home to get my house ready (still haven't done anything from my last post).
Julian is getting more and more excited, not a day goes by that he doesn't hug and kiss my belly. I think he must of had a dream of her or something because he woke up one day pretending to cry like Emma and telling me that he is going to give her a bottle and pacifier to make her stop, lol. He has no idea how much his life is going to change but I am sure he is going to be the best big brother ever. He still mentions Sami and hugs her blanket all the time especially at night. It brings comfort to him like it does to me. I miss her, I miss her more than I show but I try to not let my hurt stop me from smiling. I often wonder how I am going to react when Emma arrives. I wonder if she is going to resemble Sami in some ways, in a way I hope not because I feel like it will be harder for me. I know Emma will help me with my healing process although I will never be completely healed.

6 comments:

Hope's Blog said...

I can't imagine all the emotions running through you right now. I remember when you were ready to stop working with Sami. I hope you are taking some time for yourself and some time for just you and Julian. Your life will be different, but it will be filled with even more love. Many hugs to you from afar.

Antoinette said...

((((((hugs)))))))) we are so close Lisette!! Hearing about your son hugging the blanket makes me smile and hurt for him. children shouldnt grieve. Mothers & Fathers shouldnt have to wonder how they will react to holding their children after they are born. i share the SAME wonders as you. For me its different because I have never held a living child after delivery, so my wonders are a little different. thinking of you...so glad you are done with work this week. i cant imagine having to work this far into pregnancy..you are amazing!!

JenJen said...

Julian is going to be a great big brother...just like he is to Sami :) I hope your last week at work just flies by and Emma will be here before you know it!

St Elsewhere said...

Am so glad that you are finally on the verge of some reprieve from office. Rest a bit, because it is bound to get crazy hectic soon.

I love Julian's anticipation of Emma's arrival and the fact that he still remembers Sami. I have spoken to my niece twice after Kaiser's death and I wonder if she remembers or talks about the baby? (During my pregnancy, the chocolates I gave her were all from the 'baby'.)

The resemblance point makes me skip a beat.

Melissa said...

Sami will never be replaced. SO sweet to Julian hugs Sami's blanket. I hope these final days go smoothly for you and you have your precious Emma safe in your arms very soon. How exciting!

Prayers for a smooth delivery and health for baby Emma and you!

The Blue Sparrow said...

I'll be praying your through your delivery! I can't wait to see lots of pictures of your new little blessing! (((HUGS)))

Post a Comment