Why are people so afraid to talk about infant death? It’s real and unfortunately it has happened too many of us. For us it is a reality that we are forced into and we cannot control it. It is ugly, it is painful and it hurts like hell. It is something most people block out of their minds and I get it. I was once one of those people that thought it cannot happen to me. Death was never a looming thought in my head, at least not about my own child. How I miss those days where I did not have to think of death. Now death is a like black cloud over me.
So people, it is real, it does happen and it is reality. It is a way of life that I will never get used to. The only thing I have to get used to now is people making stupid comments without thinking about how much they hurt. I have to get used the fact that my daughter will be forgotten to many people that I once cared about. Her name will not be spoken of, her birthday will not be remembered and I will continue to just be a mom to Julian, not a mom to two children in their eyes. For me on the other hand I will cherish the memories of holding her in my womb for 38 weeks and do whatever it takes to makes sure that she knows she will never be forgotten. The pictures I have that make many uncomfortable will continue to brighten my day. For those people, sorry it makes you uncomfortable to see my precious baby but there is nothing you can do about it. Turn around and continue to be naïve that things like this do not happen. I hope and pray that no one else has to say goodbye to their child but I am not God and I cannot control that. I really wish I could because this life is not easy.
Sami, mommy and daddy miss you so much. As the days goes by it seems like it gets harder to be without you. We are going to walk next weekend for you and so far we have had many people make donations in your honor. We have raised $2,075 as of today and we will continue to raise more in the days to come. I hope you will be smiling down on us that day. We love you baby girl!
1 year ago