Thursday, April 15, 2010

To Anonymous...

Everyone is able to voice their thoughts and opinions. I gave it much thought to have my comments reviewed before they actually appear but I decided not too, now I am a little conflicted about that. On my last post from earlier today I wrote how people just do not comprehend what it is like to have to say goodbye to your child forever.

Someone left this comment:

Anonymous wrote: "People realize that you have gone through something heartbreaking but how can you start the healing process if you keep reflecting on the past".

My response to that: Anonymous, for starters you are coward since you did not want to leave your name. YOU are the reason why I wrote that post, stupid people like you who say stupid ass comments like this! You helped me prove my point. The "past" that you are talking about is MY DAUGHTER that lived my womb. The daughter that kicked and squirmed in my belly for 38 weeks. The daughter that was breathing the same air as me for 1 hour and 40 minutes. The daughter that was taken from arms only to be taken to some mortuary while I cried my ass off like never before. So NO I cannot stop reflecting on "the past". I am so angry right now I could scream!!!!!

I will NEVER be able move on from this, how could you be so insentive? I am sure I my life will take on many different roads but that does NOT mean that I will not feel the this void in my heart forever. She can never be replaced or just thought of as "something" that could just be forgotten.

You obviously have not been through this so maybe you should think before you speak (or write)!!! If you thought in some way that your words were good words of advice, go back and read it over again. An intellegent person knows that people are made of their past, because of her I am who I am today. A woman who does not take life for granted, a stronger person in faith, a person who knows how to be compassionate, loving and considerate of other's feeling unlike you. As angry as I am, I still would not wish this upon you or anyone else for that matter.

23 comments:

Lisa and Jonathan said...

Ugh! Some people will never get it no matter how we word it. I cried reading your last post because it is how I feel. No matter how many children I may have Jasper will always be my first and he will always be the missing piece to our family. A CHILD CAN NEVER BE REPLACED. Anonymous I hope you will never understand that feeling of emptiness.

Elena said...

I agree with Lisa and Jonathan, I hope that "Anonymous" will never feel this same pain. Only someone who has not could write something so insensitive. That being said, I think "healing" is something we WILL NEVER do. Were just going to everyday learn to live with the pain. I've had a couple people use the "move on" or "life must go on" line for me and it had barely been over a month since Lilly passed when that was said to me. You can't tell ANY parent who has lost their child that! Its like telling us to forget. Healing is not an option for us....the pain will never go away. And its ok that we feel this pain. I really will never get how people can be that insensitive. Referring to Sami as the "past" This is your daughter's life!!! It always frustrates me when someone tells a parent something insensitive like this. I could go on forever about how upsetting this is...but it wouldn't be worth it. The person who posted the comment definitely did prove the point of your last post. All we have left of our babies on earth is THEIR MEMORY. We can't hold them, or feed them, change them, bathe them, or even just watch them breathe and grow. Unfortunately we can't control what people will say to us only in how we deal with it, so I think that monitoring your comments may be a good idea. In fact, I'm going to start doing it as well. I am so sorry that people are so ignorant. I have to apologize for them because they never will. People just need to understand that let us grieve that's it. It doesn't affect them in any way and its something we as bereaved parents will always live with. So they just need to get over that or leave us alone :) No one has the right to tell any bereaved parent how to grieve.

love and prayers
elena

Emily said...

I hate when the trolls come out. Even the "well-meaning" ones. Sweetie, you're going through this process In Your Time. Your friends are here to support you, not give you advice or judge your progress. But can I give you a little smidge of advice? Block anonymous comments. Then you won't get these nasty, heartless surprises that hurt your heart all the more.

Praying for your heart, and sending you lots of big giant squishy hugs, sister. And remembering your beautiful Sami with you... ((hugs))

Hope's Blog said...

I agree with Elena...I don't think you will EVER get past the loss of a child. I have not lost a child and do not want to know the grieving you are going through...I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you, but I can sympathize...something anonymous obviously cannot do.

Big hugs to you and lots of love,

Paula

DG Lost said...

What it would be like to live in ignorant bliss again... In a world where little ones don't die... I am so sorry that there are people that really don't know when to just stay quiet. There is no getting over this - there are no words that can fix it... so let's not even try. Sending you love!
-Karry

La Cubanita said...

I too agree that this person obviously has not lost a child. This is something we will carry with us to the grave. Its something you cannot get over. Not only is/was your child part of you but so was/is their death. it will always be a part of us. Is made us who we are as you mentioned.

It has been 3 years since I lost my daughter. Is it easier to deal with? I dont think easier is the word... I think more manageable may be the term. Does it still hurt, hell yes. Does it always hurt. Defiantly. Will I ever forget or move on? Never.

Jayme said...

Oh for goodness sake! It hasn't even been six months! If your parent died, do you not get to remember them and talk about them for the rest of your life? Why is it so different when it's your child?

*Laura Angel said...

Some people just CANNO'T ever begin to understand. What a moron whoever wrote that! Can you block that account? (((HUGS)))

Tina said...

I am so sorry someone left that comment for you. However, I think your response perfectly describes what we who have lost children are feeling. GREAT JOB!! Try not to let those types of comments get you down, becuase truly those people have NO IDEA how hard it is to deal with the loss of a child...lucky them. xx

Antoinette said...

Anonymous YOU ARE AN (*&*&^^%%$%$%^$^&&*^!!!!!

Sorry Lissette, to leave a word like that on your precious baby's blog. I can not believe someone would even be able to look at the photos and memories on this page and still have the nerve to leave a comment like that. NO HEART anonymous, that is what you have!!! I agree 100% I am a better woman today because of my daughter, and because of my angel mommies and their babies...i love people more, I love my family and friends more....I even love my dogs more...because all that love that i was waiting to show her can never be done...WE WILL HURT forever anonymous!!!! If we "move on" we will just be going onto other roads as you say lisette, but those babies are coming right along with us...so we dont get to stop "reflecting on the past" this wasnt a highschool boyfriend Anonymous it is a baby we gave birth to, that we had plans for, and nurseries for!!! DO ME A FAVOR ANONYMOUS DONT COME HERE OR TO ANY OTHER ANGEL MOMMY PAGES NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!!

(((HUGS)))) LISSETTE...we try to heal by doing blogs like this and then we get set back from people who dont have the balls to say who they are....hope you are able to feel better knowing we are all on your side

mrslinares said...

I just want you to know that your story has touch my heart and i will never forget about your beautiful Sami. reading your post has made cry so much this morning and i will never understand why this person wrote that, i haven't loss a child but just by me been a mom my heart breaks for you all the time. I'm always praying for you.

The Blue Sparrow said...

People will never get it if they havent been in our shoes. The loss of a child is not only your past but enters your future with you no matter what. We carry that with us everyday until we meet our sweet angels again in Heaven. It affects every aspect of our lives present and past. It just does. But I agree, I would never wish this on anyone just so that they could get it. I just wish we didnt have to defend our feelings and actions to most people so much. *HUGS*

Lisette said...

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOU KIND WORDS. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. I AM REALLY BLESSED TO HAVE YOUR SUPPORT.

Maggie said...

This makes me angry for you. I hate when I see posts about "anonymous" commenters. They obviously don't understand and then their too cowardly to come forward and admit who they are! I have had people say the same thing to not focus on the 'past' and it makes me so frustrated. Don't let those BAD commenters get you down too much! They really just don't know.(((HUGS))) Thinking of you! I think your response was well said! :)

Franchesca Cox said...

Dear anonymous: once upon a time we may have been as ignorant as you. Please leave this community alone. You may be doing this to get attention, as it seems there has been an 'attack' on many babyloss blogs lately. i don't know who you are, and i hope you never have to eat your own words.

Lisette,
I am so sorry this idiot had the nerve to tell you that. What they don't get, is that our losses don't ever minimize themselves over time. We were NEVER supposed to part with them until it was OUR time to go. WE were supposed to be buried by our children one day. The losses we have experienced are unnatural, and the loss is devastating. We will never be complete this side of heaven, ever. I took anonymous comments off of my blog after i read about so many of these incidents happening. anyway, those of us who have BEEN there are not judging you. we get it, and if people want to think we are living or reflecting in the past (BTW who DOESN't reflect in the past???) well then that's just too bad, our babies are worth remembering. If we don't remember them, who will? UGH! I am just so mad for you right now! you know what though, this idiot is not even worth my energy! Hoping you are feeling better after writing this post.

sending you (((HUGE))) hugs!

Michelle said...

It makes me so stinkin' mad that "anonymous" said that to you! To me, losing a child is like losing an arm, every single day we are forced to find a way to function without a very important part of us. Like an amputee, we don't just grow another arm and move on. I agree completely with Fran, God have mercy on anonymous if he/she stands in judgement against you/us. That is a scary place to be, something horrible could come of that judgement! And I second Fran on "we will never be complete this side of heaven."
So sorry you were hurt yet again.

belle said...

if i had a dime for every time someone said that to me... i would be able to afford my daughter's headstone! errrrrr! but you are so right. even if it means that they will never understand me, i do not wish them to experience the death of a child themselves.....

Crystal Theresa said...

oh lisette, i'm sorry that you had to see such an ignorant comment on your blog. there is nothing wrong with "reflecting on the past" - it is how we grow. it is how we learn. it is how we continue to remember our babies. and you are are so right, just because they are gone, our babies are not our "past" they are part of who we are and who we will be. ((hugs))

crystal @ Blessed to Be Broken

Laura said...

Lisette,
I'm so sorry someone had the nerve to do this to you. Please know that you and Sami will always be in my heart.

pip said...

Someone I knew lost a child some years ago, and, well meaning as I am, I admit I just cannot hope to understand the depth of the pain. I am sure "anonymous" meant well, and perhaps that approach works in other situations, but pain like this is best left to those who understand, and not some 'quick-fix' denial and 'letting go' of what happened. It needs to be expressed and expressed and expressed. God bless you, Lisette. I wish you well and am happy you have good understanding support.

Once A Mother said...

first of all... you JUST lost your daughter, so what PAST is she/he talking about. Secondly, I commend you for what you said. She was your daughter, not your past, and I am so sorry that someone had to make such a "brush off" comment about her. Sami is an amazing little girl that lives forever in your hearts, my heart, and the hearts of so many. There is NO PAST about that.

Love you lady!

Once A Mother said...

i meant to say she *is your daughter, not your past. typing too fast...

Holly said...

Sorry you got one of those. Our children can never be our past b/c they are always present in our hearts.

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