So on Friday I called to see if my results were in from the CVS and yes they were. Little rainbow has no chromosome defect. No inverted chromosome like Sami and I. When I heard her say everything came back negative I felt such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I just cried, the girl telling me was probably thinking I was drama but I didn't care, this test was really scary for me.
Let me go back to the actual day of the test, I was in the room trying to calm myself down because it was just so emotional for me, especially because it was on Sami's birthday. Anyhow, when all was done the Dr. H forgot to take some pictures of the baby for me so she asked the tech to take some more. I asked her if she can tell the gender of the baby yet and she said she believed she had already seen something that caught her eye. I have a picture with little arrows pointing to little boy parts! I was having a boy, OMG I thought of my dream with Marie. Could this be the Joseph she was talking about. I was so excited, Julian and Sami were going to have a baby brother. I told a few people my news and they were excited too.
So after we went over the results I almost forgot to ask her the gender of this little rainbow because it's a boy right? Well no.... Little rainbow is a baby girl!!!! I screamed "a girl" and she really thought I was crazy because she said, "two x chromosomes, makes a girl" it was funny. I was mentally prepare for a boy and since the 26th of October this baby was Joseph. I will have some explaining to do later, lol. I am honestly still in shock. I of course just want a healthy baby but I am just so excited that I get one more chance to be a mom to a real live baby girl. Sami cannot and will not ever be replaced in any way but I get another chance. In my mind I thought it was a boy even before this because I really never thought I would have another little girl and now since they said "it's a girl" I didn't realize how happy that would make me feel. Again, I was super excited about having a boy. I called my husband right away and he was just as shocked as I was. It was so cute, he thought he heard me wrong.
Hearing that everything so far is well with this baby gives me some relief but it doesn't still keep me from worrying about the test ahead of us. My due date is May 6th, my birthday is May 3rd, what an awesome gift right? I keep telling myself that this baby is going to come home. I hate it when people tell me "keep thinking positive" I did that with Sami and well that didn't bring her home with me. People sometimes think that being pregnant again is going to all of a sudden heal me. Yes, it has helped me in a way but it will never take away the fact that one of my children is in heaven and not here with me. How did this become an angry post? It's not, I am over the moon that so far all is looking great. I will post pictures later!
1 year ago