Well I managed to make it through another funeral. Just 4 months ago I was at Marie’s and 4 months before that was Sami’s. I hope to go many years without having to attend another one. I can’t take them anymore. Briana was 10 yrs old and she looked beautiful in her Snow White outfit, she sure did look like a Disney princess. Vickie is one tough mama, she held up as best as she could. My heart aches for her so much. I pray they will be able to get through the days ahead.
These past few days have been really hard on me. I thought I was doing so well. I had been feeling like the sun was starting to shine again but today (of all days Monday) I just feel so lost. Today I just feel like my heart physically hurts. I tell myself that it will go away and that I will have better days again. I just hate this feeling.
This weekend one of my brother’s forgot I had a baby 8 months ago and it did not surprise me (sad to say). How can someone just forget? I guess people had to actually see her breathing in order to remember she really did exist. I could just imagine how crazy he is going to think I am when he finds out that I am going to have a celebration for her birthday. Oh well I really do not care, the people that truly loved her will be there and that is all that matters to me.
People often ask me what can they do for me and really it is simple, remember my daughter. I know it is hard for people to bring her up in conversation because they did not know her, so I’ve been told. Well they can ask me anything they want; I would love to answer any question they may have. I love to talk about her. Are they afraid to make me cry? Well to be honest they make me cry either way by never mentioning her. This is why this baby loss community means so much to me because they mention her name all the time. I love it, I love to open an email or see comments saying they are thinking of us. I am not asking for a pity party but a simple thinking of you message would be great, especially from family. People always say “we are here for you,” really? Well where you the first weeks after her passing? Not calling us or visiting us that’s for sure. I know I live far from my family but that has never stopped me from visiting them all the time. Now I just made myself angry thinking of all of this. I will just end this now before I really speak my mind and offend people. Pray that I have better days soon please.
1 year ago