Last night I had the most realistic dream ever and it scared me to death!!! In my dream Sami was born and only lived for a few seconds. In those few seconds I was so overwhelmed by the love I felt for her but once I realized she was no longer with me the pain set in. It was a pain so deep in my body, it was something that I have NEVER felt. I wasn't even able to see because I was crying so much, yet there were no tear! I wasn't able to breath or even move in my bed. Almost as if I was paralyzed but everything and everyone around seemed to be moving. I could hear the nurses talking, my husband was trying to tell me something but it sounded like he was so far away, it felt so real. Thank God the alarm went off this morning.
I have been thinking and trying to mentally prepare for what is going to happen. I guess I will not know what it actually feels like until it really happens to me and now I am just scared because if it felt anything close to that dream, I am seriously going to loose it. How can anyone prepare for this? I had to let out a good cry this morning before I started my day and asked God to please give me the strength to get through this because I am really feeling like I can't. That dream really scared me and now I feel like I am not strong enough. I can't get it out my head, the pain throughout my whole body.
I know everyone tells me that I am strong and they admire that about me but really I am not. Some days I come off as I am but ask me and I will tell you that I have never felt this weak. I know I am not alone in this but I feel like I am, I have never felt this scared either. Days like this don't seem real, am I really going through this? Just a few months ago my life was so different.
1 year ago