Happy Birthday Sami

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my precious daughter!!!

I am filled with so many emotions right now that it is so hard to type and put into words how I feel. As I watch the clock I am put back to every second that happened last year on this day. From me remembering how guilty I felt for eating an ice cream so late at night but I couldn't help it because I just had to have it. Sami was kicking away and we laughed because I kept telling my husband that it wasn't me that wanted the ice cream it was her. Julian falling fast alseep after a long day at Disneyland and waking up screaming baby the second my water broke in bed. I still can't explain that moment. Just every second, I remember like it just happened. 5:04 AM we welcomed Lauren Samantha Delgado into this world. I wish I could feel her tiny breaths against my cheeck again, I wish I could feel her tiny hand wrapped around my finger and I wish I could feel her velver curls again. It has been such an amazing feeling being her mommy. There has been so much pain yet so much beauty. I am sure many of you have heard Beauty from Pain, well that's how it really is. One day I will understand why this happened. I just can't believe how fast this year has gone by. Again, I will say that just means that I am one day close to her.

Sami, mommy loves and misses you so much. I hope  you got to see all the balloons on Saturday. It was so special to see all them fly up together. I wish I could hold you once again, I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you how much I need you here with me. I am broken because you have a piece of me with you. I know you are in a better place but the selfish part of me wants you here. Julian has been singing Happy Birthday to you all weekend, can you hear him? Please send me a warm whisper to reassure me that you are happy and that you really do feel my love.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Sami Happy Birthday to you!!!!

I love you so much little mama!!!