Life should never be taken for granted.

It is crazy to think how much your life can be changed over night. My brother’s family was turned upside down without any warning. The services for Marie were held this past week and being there, seeing her still does not make it real for me. I feel that at any moment I am going to get a phone call from her or an email. Marie was really like a second mom to me in reality. I remember shopping for back to school clothes with her in elementary school and her taking me to go get ice cream all the time. She and my brother getting their house ready for my wedding, she insisted that I get ready there. Marie holding my hand and cheering me on as she tried to record Julian’s birth, I would have fallen apart if she wasn’t there with me. Her getting to the hospital as soon as possible to see Sami. I could see the pain in her eyes because she prayed so hard that she would be born OK. I know she felt my pain that day. So many moments in my life with her in it, big and small so it just makes it that much harder to really understand the meaning of her passing. I am glad that we were emailing each other on Thursday before she became ill and I am glad I sent her a little message on Valentine’s to tell her that I loved her. She meant so much to so many people, at her service there was over 830 people there in attendance!! It was beautiful to see how many people cared for her. The support my brother is getting is just breath taking. Marie was so special and she touched so many lives. My brother and the kids are holding up as best as they can. I try to put myself in there shoes because I could only imagine the pain they feel. They shared their everyday lives with her. My heart is completely torn because of this, imagine them? I don’t ask why this happened because I know I will never get an answer. I will take this as a lesson in never taking life for granted. Tell your family and friends how much you love and care for them because we just never know when it is our time. We are only here on borrowed time. I hate that saying but it is so true.

Prior to all this happening I had been in a little rut, feeling sorry for myself. I was angry, mad and of course sad because I felt like people didn’t care about what I was going through. Little by little the phone calls were not as often and Sami’s name was not mentioned as much and it was really bothering me. Now I look back and realize how silly of me to think that way. I know people care, I know they want to help me get through this but they just don’t know how to reach out. Now with my brother and his family going through this I feel like that. I don’t know how to approach them in a way because I know they are in their own world of pain. There is nothing I can say or do to ease their pain. From my experience now I know now that I will not leave them alone but I will also know when to back off. Sometimes words are better left unspoken. They are already annoyed by the comments people make. Sometimes a nice hug or a nice gesture goes a long way. In that sense I know I can be their biggest supporter. I get sick to my stomach just thinking of their feelings when it really hits them that they have a new life without wanting one. When people go on with their lives and they can’t, the thought of that just makes me cringe. Right now their home is full of flowers and visitors are in abundance but what happens when those visitors stop coming and the phone calls stop? I fear the day when they are alone and no one is there to console them as they cry. What awaits them is such a harsh reality.

On a good note, THANK YOU to Franchesca for doing such an awesome job on my blog makeover. I love it, love it!