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Saturday, May 21, 2011

It's been so long

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted but I have been busy and tired. I am now adjusting to my new routine with a new baby. Julian continues to be amazing and only once he called Emma Sami. It pulled at my heart but I nicely corrected him and he sweetly said "sorry Emma". My husband and I are afraid of doing that especially once she is older. There is a particular face she makes that makes her look just like Sami. It has made me cry plenty of times. The baby blues are going away and I am glad because I was tired of crying for no reason. I would see her and just start balling. Having this little girl is such a blessing that I cannot say thank you enough to the Lord above.

I am so sad that I never had the chance to hold and kiss Sami all the time like I can with Emma but I know I will one day. There is no doubt in my mind that she is waiting for me. Everyday that passes I am thankful that I got another day with Julian and Emma and at the same time thankful that I am one day closer to Sami.

There is a hungry little one calling out for me so this is a short one but so far in 2 weeks she has grown an inch and has gained 13 oz... Not bad at all if I say so myself.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

May 6, 2011

Sorry I wasn't able to post anything but Friday was a busy day for us. My day started early as we had to get Julian to mom's early enough for me to give  him lots of extra hugs and kisses and it worked because he knew something was happening. He didn't cry and he held me extra tight when he hugged me. It was hard not cry in front of him. I was already nervous and anxious to get to the hospital. We arrived at 9am and I checked myself in, not how I imagined Emma's birth to be but it all worked out.
I was trying not to shake and control my emotions because the last I was there well it was a whole lot different. I was sent to room 206, how I wanted room 212 so bad. I wanted to feel her presence in there like the last time but I knew that no matter what room I would be Sami would be there with me. I was contracting on my own and I believe still at 2 cm so we just waited. We had a wonderful nurse with such a happy personality, she is what I needed at that moment. Around 1pm or nothing really changed so I was given some pill, sorry can't remember the name. It is just to help thin out the cervix if I am correct. Then we walked and walked some more. I walked passed room 212 and couldn't help but cry, it was just instant tears. I wanted to knock on the door just to peek in there but of course I didn't.
Around 4pm, I was at 3cm and pitocin was started. The contractions were getting stronger but nothing to make me feel to uncomfortable. I was still smiling and laughing wishing I could sleep but I  just can't nap for the life of me.

As you can tell it wasn't bad at this point
Around 8pm or so I noticed the contractions were slowing down and more spaced apart so I kind of started to worry. I believe at this point I was 6cm. Forgot to mention 7pm nurse shift change... I got my favorite nurses who were with me when Sami was born. I think Sami knew how well they would take care of and Emma and had it worked because what are the chances that they both would be working? AMAZING!!!
Anyhow at this point I was debating on having an epidural or not since the contractions were strong but spaced apart but I didn't want not have the option. Around 9 I started to notice a spike in the contractions and asked for the epidural. It was a quick change because I was no longer smiling by this point. Angie (nurse) said I was going to go really quick so she called in for a delivery cart and here I was thinking I still had a few hours to go! I got my epidural, then my doctor came to check me and the by 10:15 I was pushing. It was HARD, Emma was sunny side up and doing a number on my back. I had to be given an episiotomy (ouch). I felt more tugging than ever while having a child. The NICU team had to be called because Emma's heart rate kept dropping. My husband and I were terrified and I was trying to concentrate on getting her out as soon as possible. I felt like I would be pushing for hours like with Julian but thankfully although still a while at 11:35 pm Emma Elliana came into this world. Weighing 7 lbs 11 oz 19 in. NICU checked her out first and gave a clean bill of health. THANK YOU LORD. While pushing I kept asking, God, Sami and Marie to give me the strength to do so because I felt like I couldn't do it anymore.

Daddy cutting the cord

Nurse Cheryl

My glow worm

Priceless moment
I feel bad that I was in so much pain after that I didn't get to enjoy the first few hours of her arrival. It makes me feel like such a bad mom because I had been dreaming of that moment forever but again her labor was short but it was hard. Her labor took a toll on my body. I am not sure what was causing my pain, my uterus was really hard and I don't know what happened. All I know is that I was given morphine and something else, I was still screaming in pain. I didn't even do that while pushing. Once I was taken to my post partum room it was really intense and morphine was given to me again. It was bad, it wasn't until about 8am that I finally started to feel OK. I finally got to enjoy my little one and stare into her eyes (I can't keep my off of them now). Having her is such a wonderful feeling and I see Sami in her yet she has her own look which I love. It has been a roller coaster of emotions that I can't really put into words at the moment. I am blessed and I feel the love from up above. Here are more photos I wanted to share.

Julian meeting her for the first time

Matching booties like her big sister Sami and rainbow pants

Getting ready to go home

Daddy getting her all set to go with his daddy of an angel bracelet for Sami

I got my wish

Thursday, May 05, 2011

May 6, 2011

Tomorrow on my due date I will be induced. Pray that everything goes well and that I get to finally come home with a baby in my arms hopefully on Mother's day! Today I had an NST done and she passed with flying colors. This week we have spent so much time bonding with Julian as his world is going to change so much. My son knows something is happening. Today he told me he doesn't want Emma to come because the doctor is going to hurt my tummy! I just love that little boy so much.

Last night I had a dream that I desperately needed this week... Marie was coming back to us and she seemed really tired and kind of not ready to face our world again but she did however stop to tell me about Sami. She said that she is very spoiled because Marie always had her in her arms, Sami laughs a lot and is a very happy little girl. She also said she always has on the prettiest dresses. I woke up and had a long good cry, I mean one where I couldn't catch my breath. It has been such a long road and as much as I want and need Sami here, I love knowing that she is happy in heaven. Knowing that Marie is holding her close just makes me so happy. I know they are both together and are both so happy. God is great and heaven is really real just like the book.

I will try to have someone update for me on miss Emma's arrival. Pray all goes well.
For now I leave you pictures from this week.

To many things around for Julian, lol.

Sami's brick with a Toy Story balloon
Real soon my belly will be gone
Julian with his HAPPY face